


Something Vivid

by inamorata_universe



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Highschool AU, Human AU, I will post the playlist when this ends, Off Hiatus, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Some angst here and there, complete with a playlist, dark themes coming soon, each chapter is inspired by a song, many fluffs later on, may be triggering, the song title that inspired the chapter will be written somewhere in the chapter, will have a good ending I promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2018-04-25 01:41:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 44,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4941790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inamorata_universe/pseuds/inamorata_universe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One is an addict; the other is an addict. Yet neither one of them have done a single drug for any other purpose than to cure a cold or headache. So how could two addicts possibly bring out the best in anything, let alone each other?</p><p>~Don't be turned away by the rating. Please understand though, later chapters may be triggering and I will post warnings beforehand. But don't let a rating tell you what to read or what not to read, its just a precaution to have it this way.~</p><p>You can follow me on tumblr: @Inamorata-Universe<br/>and you can follow my fic with the tags: somethingvivid and svfic</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Change, That's What They All Say

Why was today different from any other day? To be quite honest, Peridot wasn’t sure yet. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened since school began just months ago. The usual required classes mixed in between the more fun classes. The same track meets after school every Tuesday from 3:00pm to 5:00pm. It was the same team with about five new freshmen to make up for the loss of the seniors. The freshmen would soon become the new “usual team” and the seniors would be inevitably forgotten unless they had made any sort of triumph in their high school career. Peridot was a senior and had yet to make her mark in the world of running. I guess you could say she had plans to be forgotten.

But of course, there was also the science team that met every other Thursday to discuss new findings, and make things explode using the most common household items. Everything was just the same. So she didn’t know why she had this awful gut feeling that today wouldn’t be the same.

Peridot meanders through the bustling halls, working her way to English IV. After the first few weeks, she had already figured out who hung out with whom and where in the halls they would be at what time. She knew who to avoid and how to avoid them. She knew who it was safe to hang out with; even it was with just a few people. Peridot never really bothered to make friends all throughout high school. Friends made her, and that was enough. She was more focused on academics than being social anyways, so when her closest ally walked into the room, she hardly noticed. And _she_ was hard not to notice.

“Peridot! Why the fuck is your head still in those books? Do you know what it’s like to have fun? Do you even have a life?”

Peridot looked up with a monotonous expression at her burly friend towering over her.

“Jasper, of course I know how to have fun. Remember last Saturday whe-“

“When you locked yourself in my room to study while there was a sick rave downstairs?”

“No no, the _other_ Saturday w-“

“When you locked yourself in my bathroom to study why people were getting drunk and shit downstairs?”

“Are you kidding?” Peridot scoffs. “I came down for a very long period of time. I even danced to your awful music!”

“You pushing through a crowd of wasted and horny strangers to get a cup of coffee isn’t dancing Peridot.”

“Yeah, well…”

“Exactly.” Jasper says, smirking, as she takes her seat in the back of the classroom. Far away from Peridot who wouldn’t be caught dead sitting in a seat that wasn’t the in the absolute front. The teacher enters and a loud silence engulfs the room now filled with students. All conversations are lost as their eyes seem to lock on the short girl trailing behind the English instructor. Ms. Diamond soon commences the class by stating that they have a new student.

“Everyone, this is Lapis Lazuli.”

Peridot takes notice of how the girl superficially flinched at the sound of her own name. How her dark bangs fell in front of her face as her gaze met with the floor tiles. Peridot found herself wondering why she wasn’t more enthusiastic to start a new school, and why she refused everyone’s attention, blocking off all eye contact.

“She will be in this English course for the entire semester with you all. I expect nothing less than your best behavior towards her. She made a long journey from…” Ms. Diamond looks onto the girl to finish her sentence. Lapis doesn’t look up from her impeding bangs to answer. She stares at the floor coldly, from what Peridot can tell. Her hands shuffle deeper into the pocket of her black sweatshirt. Lapis’ feet press together in a display of vexation.

Ms. Diamond presses on, with a “You’re from where? Lapis?” But the girl refuses every word that’s being spoken to her. Like, every vowel was a punch to the throat, and very consonant was slash to her sides. She looked miserable.

“Alright.” Ms. Diamond began. “Take your seat behind Pearl. Pearl, could you raise your hand?”

Lapis looks through her bangs at Peridot. If only for a second, she was able to make out her soft grey eyes before they flashed to Pearl. She moved almost unwillingly to her seat and set down her backpack before slumping into her chair and repositioning her hands into her sweatshirt. With that gesture, class begins.

********************

The next two classes were a breeze for Peridot, which only left lunch and one last class before she could go home to study. Unfortunately for Peridot, lunch was the worst part of the day. It was an overcrowded arena that was prone to immature fights that left the place in shambles, in which she was forced into for thirty minutes every day of her life. To make matters worse, her only true friend had their lunch period before hers. Time could not go by any slower for Peridot. She decided against eating today in an unsuccessful attempt to study, only to move to a much more serene place to read and take notes. The bathroom.

As unflattering as it sounds, Peridot was quite content with the noise level, and the smell wasn’t too unbearable. It was good enough for the time being. Peridot set her things in the corner, sat, and whipped out a textbook on engineering, flipping to a page that had recently been folded at the corner. She also opens up a notebook that had many notes written in variations of blue and black ink.

After twenty minutes of quiet studying time, Peridot began packing her things before the bell should ring. Picking up her last textbook, she is startled when one of the stall doors opens abruptly. Peridot never took notice that the door had been closed the entire time she was in there. Lapis steps out and adjusts her backpack around the hood of her sweatshirt. Their eyes meet for a lingering second before her cardboard lunch tray is thrown into the trash as Lapis turns to exit the bathroom. Peridot wonders to herself why Lapis chose to eat her lunch in the bathroom, but then she considers her own situation glancing at the grimy sink beside her. Why did she ever think this was a good idea?

********************

With the last course out of the way, Peridot emerges from the school building. She chooses waiting to be picked up by the flag poles out front. Zipping up her hoodie, she leans against one of the poles and looks over to the other teens being picked up by their loving parents. Parents who would remember to pick them up at the right times every day. Parents who probably engage in lengthy conversations at the dinner table. Parents who cook and clean and don’t forget birthdays. Peridot had to admit, being the child of busy parents was rough. And knowing that you’re not the favorite child, even though you’re the only child only makes it worse.

Soon, the lot was empty and only a few underclassmen were left mingling by the front entrance. Them and a few obnoxious seniors smoking cannabis in the far corner of the lot. She recognized Jasper within that crowd. But what did she care? Peridot had no control over Jasper, and never intended on overpowering her. Jasper is the person who kept her safe from every oppressor throughout high school. She was only friends with her because Peridot was the only kid her age in the neighborhood, or at least before everyone else moved in. Their friendship was rough; not friendly at all, but it was all Peridot had and it was more than she needed, but that was okay.

Just then, there was a smack against one of the flag poles that makes Peridot jump. She immediately looks over to where the sound came from to find Lapis’ pale blue-green backpack against the base of the pole. Lapis stood with her phone in both hands, typing irately. When she stopped typing her glance met with the empty fore lot. Peridot looked in the same direction and then her eyes panned over to meet with Jaspers. Jasper waved spastically in her direction and started screaming incoherent things that Peridot chose to ignore.

She looks at Lapis now, whose eyes haven’t left the lot. Peridot glances back at Jasper before deciding that she’s done being a hopeless nerd with one beefed up dumbass to call a friend. In an act of confidence, Peridot saunters over to Lapis and stops just in front of her.

“Your parents didn’t pick you up either I assume.”

Lapis looks astounded. Her eyes meeting Peridot’s for longer than just a second. With that, Peridot was able to see that her eyes were a muted grey, an excellent asset to her complexion. Her skin was radiant, clear of any scars or red blotches, tan and light.

“Oh, yeah, my mom forgot what time she had to pick me up.” Lapis speaks faintly.

The silence grows as Peridot is unsure of how to carry on a conversation that isn’t school oriented. Lapis picks up on this, and tries her best to keep the conversation going.

“You’re in my English class right?”

“Yeah. Peridot. My name, it’s Peridot.”

“Well Peridot, it’s nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure’s all mine-“ Just then Jasper screeches out more nonsense in Peridot’s direction, in which Peridot continues to ignore.

“You know her?” Lapis questions.

“Unfortunately yes.”

“She doesn’t seem like your type.”

“And who are you to tell me what my type is?”

“Well, she’s blazing it right now, and you were studying on the bathroom floor at lunch.”

“So she’s a druggie and I’m a lifeless nerd.” Peridot concurs.

“I thought all nerds wore glasses and had retainers that gave them lisps, and only wore shirts with pockets.”

“I’m above all th-tereotypeth Lapith.” Peridot says as she adjusts her lack of eyewear.

Lapis laughs and is quick to cover her mouth. Her eyes are wide and a blush erupts from her cheeks.

“What, are you okay?” Peridot is anxious, she steps closer.

“Yeah, I’m good. I just haven’t laughed all day. It’s a weird feeling. Plus I have a gross smile.”

“No way! I’m sure you have a nice smile, average at worst.”

“No, average at best.” Lapis uncovers her lips. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Okay, well what else would you like to talk about?”

“Actually, my ride’s here. I’ll talk to you later I guess.” She picks up her backpack and slings it over one shoulder.

“Well it was nice meeting you.” Peridot offers with a smile.

“The pleasure’s all mine.” She replies with a small grin. She turns and walks to what must be her parents’ car. Peridot thinks about calling her mom to come pick her up, she even considers asking Jasper for a ride home, but decides against all options. A nice walk wouldn’t hurt, especially since track would be starting soon. It’s going to be the second meet of the season and Peridot has a newfound muse; an inspiration to do better than last season and every season before that. Maybe it’s to be remembered, or at least not to be forgotten. Or maybe it’s just time for a change.


	2. High As The Sky

Days have since passed without any sort of significance. Lapis prepares herself for a sixth miserable day of being ignored by the limelight of school. Throwing on a sweatshirt and affixing her hair to a ponytail, she walks out of the door not bothering to eat breakfast or say goodbye to her family. Right now she wants to walk. She walks down to the end of her street before turning left and walking down what seems to be a main road, judging by traffic. So she makes an immediate right only to find herself at a dead end and unknowingly in the path of a certain bright eyed blonde.

“Oh, Lapis! I didn’t know you lived around here?”

“Uh yeah, up the street.” She points in the general direction of her house. “That way… I think.”

“Uh huh. So are you walking to school?” Peridot continues her gait, Lapis now joined by her side.

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“Well I hate to break it to you, but you’re going the wrong way.”

“That’s okay; really I was just taking a walk around the neighborhood.”

“Oh, am I interrupting thinking time, or some exercise routine? I can leave if you want.” Peridot offers shyly, stopping in her tracks.

“Actually, this is okay. Maybe now we can continue that conversation from last week.”

“Right.” Peridot remembers last Monday when the two kept meeting each other but never managed a word between them until at the end of the day. Since then, Peridot had no way of conversing with her. Lapis was always the last person into English, and Peridot had decided against eating lunch in the bathrooms again. Lapis’ parents must’ve picked her up on time from that day forward. It wasn’t like Peridot was actively _trying_ to avoid Lapis; it was more of conveniently never working out between them. Neither of them had any sort of motivation to find each other for a specific conversation or reason whatsoever. 

“So where did we leave off exactly?”

Lapis ponders this for a second before a quick reply of “Not sure.”

Peridot rubs the back of her neck and questions this herself, looking up to the horizon. The sun between the trees and its daylight cast catches her eye. The brightness of the day before it has yet to fully arrive is something utmost mesmerizing. A cool breeze flows between the two before Peridot comes to a solution.

“What’s your… favorite color?” She offers, continuing her stare towards the rising star. Lapis directs her eyes at Peridot and lets out a soft chuckle.

“I like the color of the sky.”

“So, blue?”

“Well when you put it like that you make it sound like it’s the worst color ever. No, I like it because it seems light and relaxing in a way. Same goes for the ocean, pools, and blueberry fields. It’s all so serene.”

“Interesting. I’m not a fan of blueberries or their fields. They’re just so… blue.”

“That’s kind of the point.” Lapis retorts. At this, Peridot breaks her trance from the glowing sky.

“So what’s your favorite color?”

“I guess it would have to be yellow.”

“Really? I would’ve expected you to say green. You wear it all the time.”

Peridot looks confused.

“What? No. I like yellow. It’s weird though, because I don’t know why I like it. I guess I just don’t like any other color as much. After all, yellow isn't everywhere but it's hard to miss.”

“I guess I see your point.” Lapis says as she follows beside Peridot. The two make a left at an intersection and continue about their travels.

“So, what’s your favorite book Peridot? You seem like the type who reads a lot.”

“I am above all stereotypes.” Lapis giggles at that statement, remembering a piece of their previous conversation. “But you’re right; I am quite fond of reading. And I’d have to say that I liked ‘A Mango Shaped Space’ the best.”

“Woah, I haven’t read that one in forever! But why is _that one_ your favorite?”

“For starters, it was a book written for young teens but it carried ideals that anyone could understand. The author’s use of imagery and the way she portrayed the girl’s condition was flawless. After reading all of those boring classics in school, that one really stuck with me because it was so original. Like a classic novel, excluding all boring aspects of one.”

Lapis looks at Peridot, her eyes broad with an undetermined emotion.

“I like that answer, a lot.”

“What about you? What’s your favorite book?” Peridot now completes the eye contact.

It seemed as if they had made an unspoken agreement to conclude any further speech. A single moment of silence erupted between them, but it was welcome. They made it the rest of the way to the campus without another word exchanged. Walking side by side into English IV, they take their seats and class begins. They would soon find a later time to finish their conversation, both Lapis and Peridot agree to this notion, even though it was not specifically articulated.

********************

It’s the end of the day and Peridot is again waiting for her parents to pick her up. She expressed to her mother this morning before she left that it was dire to pick her up. Her mother vaguely agreed and Peridot was whisked out the door. Clearly she didn’t get the memo.

“Hi Peridot.” Lapis approaches from the side, setting her backpack at the base of the flag pole like last time.

“Oh, hey!” Peridot turns. She goes to walk over to Lapis but finds herself restricted. Her head pans behind her to reveal Jasper tightly grabbing the handle on her backpack.

“Peridot I need the thing.” Jasper lets go of Peridot’s bag and waits for her to turn around. Once she does, she throws down her backpack and unwillingly unzips a pocket. A bagged substance is handed quickly to Jasper before they both are quick to hide evidence of the exchange. Jasper shoves the bag into her varsity jacket and Peridot fumbling with zipping her backpack quickly and whipping it back onto her back all in one fell swoop.

Jasper slaps her on the back and spits out an “I owe ya one” before jogging off to her other drug buddies in the far corner of the lot.

“Sorry about that Lapis, now whe-“

“What was that?” Lapis intervenes.

Peridot questions her previous actions and concludes that what she did may have looked very much so like a drug deal. Which in fact it was, but Lapis had not known any of the foregoing events, so therefore her actions could not be justified as ones with good intentions.

“Okay. So that looked really bad I know. You see, me and Jasper have this deal that I hold onto her things so that she won’t get caught.”

“Wow, alright that’s not sketchy at all. What do you get in return?”

“The thrill of being in trouble if I get caught? Besides, I never will get caught anyways. To be honest, if I told them that someone had planted them on me without me knowing, they’d believe me.”

“And why is that? Why wouldn’t they believe her or anyone else?” Lapis questions with a cold expression, evidently not fond of the topic at hand.

“Well, of course they wouldn’t believe someone who has been busted in the past. And what reason don’t they have to trust me, I’m a straight A student with all honors classes and over 30 colleges asking for me since I was a freshman. They even trust me with the keys to this facility!”

“You have keys to the school?”

“I have keys to the school. Not one for every room, but the majority of the classes yes.”

“Wow. You’re _much_ more of a nerd than I had originally thought. I still don’t like the fact that you do that.”

Peridot gazes towards the far lot and scuffs her sneakers on the sidewalk. She didn’t like that she did it either, but there was no other choice. Jasper was her only friend and could easily become her biggest nightmare if she were to violate what trust they had. It’s not like Peridot had any intention of getting this involved with Jasper’s bad habits, but she couldn’t go back on her actions. They’ve been doing this for almost two years.

“I hate it too, but I can’t do anything about it. Who cares? It’s not like anything bad will happen to me if I keep doing this.”

“Seems like foreshadowing to me. Nothing good ever comes from saying things like that.”

“What do you mean?”

“’It’s not like anything bad will happen to me.’” Lapis imitates Peridot’s voice sarcastically. “You can’t just rely on the fact that you’re a good kid. Someday, her actions will catch up with you and you’re going to regret it unless you stop hanging around people like her.”

“You’re probably right, but I can’t do anything about it.” Peridot reiterates firmly.

“You can, and should.”

“Why do you care anyways?”

“Because you’re the girl who looks at sunrises, and she’s the girl with her head in the clouds.” Lapis picks up her bag and slings it over her shoulder. “I think that’s all I need to say. I have to go”

She saunters off in the direction of an approaching car. The door is opened and she climbs in and they speed away from the school. Once again Peridot is left alone without means of transportation. Again she considers calling her mother. Again she considers catching a ride with Jasper. Again she considers walking home. All deliberations coming to no avail, she chooses to walk to the track behind the school.

Opening the gate and closing it behind her, she finds nobody on the track, field or bleachers. Her backpack is set down by the entrance and she wanders to the center of the field and lies facing the sky.

She squints at the sun and thinks about how right Lapis was. And to think she was going to finally change this year. Of course it’s not too late, but it’s too early to say whether or not her decisions will be of her own best interest. How could she possibly tell Jasper off? How could she appraise the only friendship she has?

Peridot lies in centerfield for quite some time before deciding that when the streetlamps flicker on, it would be a good time to walk home. She thrusts the key into the lock on her front door and she can already hear it. Her parents are arguing again, and when Peridot walks in, they’ll have nothing to say to her, like usual. The key twists in the lock and she’s inside. Peridot walks between her bickering parents and they never bat an eye as she walks up the stairs to get to her room. She sets down her bag at her organized desk and pulls out a Poptart and two textbooks and begins studying. Like usual. 


	3. It'll Happen Again

It was an unbearably cold October day. Peridot cursed every step she made towards the school building. Hands shoved deep into her hoodie pockets and no one to walk with. It had been a week and one day since she had been able to talk to Lapis. Of course what makes matters worse is that she had many opportunities to strike up a conversation, and was simply ignored every time. Lapis, a person whom she had known for two weeks is now ignoring her. A new record.

Jasper hadn’t been at school for the last few days due to a certain “illness” that required bed rest and one joint every 4-6 hours. _Clearly_ she was in rough shape. Peridot vaguely knew where she was too. After receiving a call around 3:00am asking if her parents had tried contacting her- to whom Peridot said no, it’s three in the morning- Jasper told her that she would be with some friends over the next few days. Peridot hung up immediately after that and fell back asleep like any normal person would after getting a mildly suspicious call at an unreasonable time of night.

Without her friend, or anyone to walk to school with or talk to in general, Peridot continued her gait to her usual class. She stops in the doorframe of the English class when she spots a certain dark haired girl slumped in her chair, hands buried in her usual dark sweatshirt. As much as Peridot wants to walk over and strike up a conversation, she is unable to. What was there to talk about? The answer grew increasingly obvious the more she stood there… anything! Literally anything could be a perfect topic to talk about. The only reason Peridot was becoming more and more like a blockade was because she lacked the social skills it took to walk over _and_ speak coherently. But realizing just how much her bulky backpack was obstructing the entrance, she decided on moving to her seat, avoiding Lapis all together.

English IV transpires soon after she takes her seat and takes out each book and utensil needed for the course. The class flies by in a blur to Peridot. After writing the first words on the PowerPoint, her mind blanks and social anxiety takes over. Drifting into agonizing thoughts on how to properly start a conversation that won’t end in disappointment from either person after the interaction.

What seems like decades ends abruptly by the bell that interrupts the last few notes. Peridot loads her supplies promptly, and lurches in the direction of Lapis before she has time to put away one book.

“Hello Lapis, h-how are you?” Peridot falters her words but keeps a mainly a calm composure. Lapis, taken by surprise, looks up with broad pupils. Her reaction was one initially of bafflement, but soon shifted to a softer look, a more welcoming one that eased some of the anxiety Peridot felt.

“Oh, I’m well.” Lapis says with a slight smile as she places more books into her bag.

“That’s good. So how are you? Wait! Don’t answer that, uhm, what’re you doing?”

Lapis chuckles, standing up and slinging her bag over her shoulder. “Standing, and going to my next class like everyone else; exactly what you should be doing.”

“Precisely.” Peridot adjusts her hoodie around her neck, feeling less confident by the second. She falls into place beside Lapis as they walk into the bustling halls.

“So what are you doing after school today?” Peridot inquires.

“Oh, nothing really. I’ll probably take a nap or something. I could’ve walked home today if it weren’t so cold already.” Lapis looks at Peridot with hopeful eyes, thinking that they could walk home together and maybe even hang out like normal friends do.

“Hmm, I would’ve expected you to say something about getting ready for the dance tonight. You seem like the type that would go to a dance.”

“What dance tonight?”

“Homecoming, they’ve been advertising it since you’ve been here. You know, it’s some big deal that’s on the announcements every morning?”

“Oh, that’s tonight?”

Peridot nods. “So are you going?” She asks.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe. Are you going?” At that statement Peridot freezes, and Lapis turns around when she notices the blonde stop. Lapis sees a smile erupt from her now blushing face and laughter pours out of her mouth that she covers lamely.

“Y-you think I go t-to dances? Ha!” Peridot snorts and laughs harder.

“Well, yeah.” Lapis shifts uneasily. “You seem pretty cool.”

Peridot makes eye contact with Lapis, and hunches over, laughing uncontrollably now. She grips to one of the lockers to steady herself.

“You, you think I’m cool?” Peridot manages to say, standing up straight again to regain eye contact with Lapis. But before Lapis can retort, Peridot continues with “You know, I’m basically the teacher’s pet in all of my classes, straight A student, and a full time loser. What part of me could possibly think is cool?”

“Well, I haven’t seen one part of you that I didn’t like.” Lapis shrugs. “Aside from the deal you made with your friend.”

“Oh come on, it was a one-time thing and it-“

“And it’ll happen again, won’t it?”

Peridot goes quiet, the hall around them empty of loitering students, and the bell being seconds away from ringing again. Anxiety kicks in again, worse than before. It sends her brain spiraling into cheap excuses to tell Lapis in attempts to make a quick escape. Yet when she opens her mouth, no words spill out. So she is inevitably forced to walk away, hands clenched closely by her side in silence. The bell rings. They’re both late.

********************

The cafeteria is dimly lit without the sun’s rays glistening from the excessive amount of windows that line the walls. Cloud coverage and on-and-off rain has left a somber demeanor in the large room. Although most kids don’t notice the rain, clouds, or darkness of it all. Lapis does. Waiting in the lunch line with a tray of nothing edible, she looks across the room. Scoping out any possible seating choices besides the one she knows she’ll have to go to.

Lapis had been eating lunch in the same bathroom stall since her first day. Every day she would count on encountering 4 girls at the most face to face. But for the most part no one bothered her or seemed to care that she chose the same stall every day to eat her lunch in. No one had time to really care. They all had makeup to touch up, hands to wash, toilets to use, and people to talk to once they left the bathroom. Lapis on the other hand, didn’t wear heinous amounts of makeup, nor did she have any real friends.

After scoping out a seat she’ll never take, she moves ahead in the line and purchases her lunch. She casually breaks into the crowd, walking slowly behind other slow teens that are having meaningless conversations. When they fill into the seats of a lunch table, Lapis beelines for her usual stall. It’s an odd sort of comfort in always having one place to sit, even if it is a bathroom stall. She can see the door just when a hand is thrown onto her right arm and obstructs her from ever reaching a safe place. Her arm jerks back from being tugged at, and her lunch hits the floor.

“Lapis, you should sit with m-“ A green eyed blonde looks up from her books and is cut short by Lapis’ retort. She yanks her arm back and away from Peridot and steps closer to her as if she were trying to be intimidating.

“Don’t ever think you can grab me like that again!” She yells. One or two people turn their heads but don’t focus their attention towards them for long.

“Oh my stars.” Peridot stands up. “Lapis I’m so sorry about your lunch.” She kneels down to help gather the remains of her splayed food.

“Stop.”

“Lapis, I’m sorry, I just wanted your attention and maybe you could’ve sat-“

“Seriously stop.” Lapis kneels down and retrieves her half empty tray.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about your lu-”

“It’s not about my fucking lunch Peridot! Don’t grab me like that again! Okay?” Lapis storms off in the direction of the bathroom.

She pushes the door open to find two girls arguing profusely. Hand gestures everywhere, the girl’s inches from each other’s faces. Lapis recognized one to be Pearl from English IV. It didn’t matter though, because as soon as Lapis threw open the door and stomped in, flinging her tray into the garbage, all arguing ceased. Lapis threw herself into her usual stall and slammed the door. Pearl and the other girl stand in silence before walking out together and leaving Lapis to herself and her degrading thoughts.

She sets her bag down and adjusts the sleeves of her hoodie to cover her hands. Leaning on the back of the stall door, she contemplates her decisions just then. Was it right for her to storm off like that? She could’ve just jeopardized her first friendship at this new school and for what? So what if she tugged too hard at her arm? She didn’t know. She just didn’t know.

The bell doesn’t ring immediately, it seems like hours to both girls before it finally sounds and the halls are once again filled with meandering teens. They each go to their last class, taking different routes than normally so to avoid one another. After class is through, Lapis finds herself waiting alone at the back of the school for her mom to pick her up. Peridot waits by the flag poles, the rain hadn’t let up.

Raindrops melted down her face, her drenched hoodie no longer of much use. If she had glasses, they’d be spattered with water. If she had her hair down, the strands would frizz in an instant. If she had someone to wait with, she would be happier.

She called her mother and called again and called more times after that. She wasn’t coming. Peridot’s long wait in the downpour had come to no avail and again she had to walk home. Normally it would be without difficulty, she has walked home almost every day from school. Yet this downpour with no sign of letting up was particularly troublesome. It wasn’t the rain itself that bothered her, her apparel now beyond saturated. In fact it wasn’t the rain at all. It was that she now had no one to count on. Her parents were too busy to care that she was stranded in torrential rain, and the only friend she has was getting high and the other friend she could’ve had now hates her entire being. The rain being an all too painful reminder that this wasn’t the first time either.

The twenty minute walk home took longer than it should have. Peridot chose to take as many wrong turns as possible to give her more time to think. She peregrinated the entire neighborhood it seemed until she wound up standing inches from her own doorstep three hours later. She pressed her key into the door and found herself shivering.

The AC was blasting inside and being drenched from head to toe was not helping in the slightest. She locked the door and ran to her room, shoes audibly sloshing up the stairs until the violently threw them off as she slammed her door shut. She tore off every piece of wet clothing and chucked them into a single pile near her closet. No one was home, telling by the absence of voices or her father’s poor taste in music that plays incessantly as he works downstairs.

She picks out a fresh pair of light sweatpants and a dark sports bra to change into before opting for a shower first. She leaves the safety of her room to enter her bathroom across the hall. She starts the water of the shower and takes out the pins and ties that held her hair in a pristine bun. As soon as she starts the water though, she could faintly make out the sound of her front door being knocked on or thrown open as if her parents had come home.

She dismisses the sound and steps into her awaiting shower. Peridots thoughts go directly to _her_. Why did Lapis, have so much against her? She does one thing wrong and Lapis will never see the end of it. Sure it was stupid on her part to blatantly whip out cannabis on school ground… but it’s not like she hadn’t done it years before. But that’s the problem; she _had_ done it before, and so many times at that. Jasper had Peridot wrapped around her finger so tightly that she no longer saw the severity of her actions. But it wasn’t just marijuana either. At times it had been a number of recreational drugs and devices used for creating the perfect high. Peridot had never done any drug and no one would ever think to suspect her as being the largest drug host for their small town school. Jasper’s friends had even trusted her with their goods, and each time Peridot could not find it in herself to turn them away.

This had to change. Peridot was ready for a change, anything to save herself from a possible slip up and ravaging her reputation as one of the top students. Anything to not be completely forgotten.

Peridot turns off the water when it becomes lukewarm and reaches for a towel to wrap herself in. She slips into the sports bra once she’s fully dried and pulls on her sweatpants before putting her hair back into its previous bun formation. Opening the door into the still blasting AC, Peridot shivers down the stairs to adjust its settings. There is a knock on the door as she reaches the bottom step. She glances at the wall clock to see who would possibly be over at 7:29pm. Deciding on seeing Jasper at her door or any number of her drug buddies, she opens the door reluctantly. If nothing else she can bore them away with the mention of the adiabatic theorem or autonomous convergence theorem. But the person on the other side of the door is the last person she had expected.

“Hi Peridot. S-sorry to bother you b-but can I come in?” Lapis shivers. She’s wearing a short dress with a light jacket over top. Her face coated with makeup that was probably very well done if it hadn’t been smeared or washed away by the continuous rain. Either way, she looked nicer than Peridot had ever seen her.

“Lapis! Oh my stars how long were you outside? Never mind that, yes yes of course you should come inside.”   


	4. I Want To Help With Your Addiction

“Thank you.” Lapis smiles as she takes an exaggerated step inside. She’s hugging herself and shivering. Peridot slams the door behind her, which makes her jump.

“Sorry.” Peridot offers before hurried shuffling away to the thermostat. The AC at full blast is bound to freeze Lapis more than she already is. She raises it to an unreasonable number without thinking –she’ll fix it later- before shuffling back to Lapis.

“Okay, okay.” Peridot thinks out loud. “Can I take your jacket? Offer you a blanket? Give you a change of clothes? Goodness I don’t want you to freeze. Uhm, maybe I could set up the fireplace? Yeah a fire would be nice, we don’t have any wood but that doesn’t matter because its electric and-“ Peridot stops abruptly when Lapis starts laughing.

“What, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, you’re just… you don’t shut up.” At that, Peridot’s brave façade wavers. She blushes in utmost realization that Lapis is right. Her eyes find themselves unable to meet with Lapis’s, unable to meet the truth. Instead her gaze finds itself on the unlocked door, so Peridot goes to lock it before asking a question.

“Well, you’ve heard my options.” She spins to face Lapis. “So, what will it be?”

“Uhm, I don’t really want to cause you too much trouble, really I can warm up on my own.”

“I highly doubt that. Being that the temperature outside is a mere 40 degrees and my own abode roughly 60 until the heat kicks in, which that won’t happen for a while. There really is no way to warm you without my assistance.”

“The blanket sounded nice.”

“Ahh, so a blanket and change of clothes it is.”

“I didn’t ask for the clothes.”

“Well… that part wasn’t optional. Your outfit is soaked and being cold and wet won’t do much to warm you. Plus you’re dripping on the carpet, and my parents would kill me if I messed up their pristine little home. Come upstairs with me if you will.”

Lapis nods and trails Peridot up the stairs to the first room on the left. When the door opens, Lapis is in awe at the sight of Peridot’s room. Everything is high-tech and modern, it’s almost unreal to her. The room itself is white with a black accent wall to frame the large window. In front of the window rests her desk, complete with three large monitors and two keyboards. On the adjacent wall is a mounted flat screen TV that takes up a good portion of the wall and under that is a long, black mahogany dresser. The wall opposite that has her queen sized bed that is so nicely made with its black and white sheets; it looks like it’s never been slept in. Above the bed is a shelf stocked with every classic book known to man. The wall adjacent it has the door and an enormous, unlabeled depiction of the solar system, and not a single thing looked misplaced.

“Ignore the atrocity; I haven’t really gotten around to cleaning in a few days.” Peridot says as she rests her hands atop the dresser, waiting for Lapis to enter.

“Are you kidding me? This room is nicer than mine ever will be!” She takes one step inside. “Oh my stars, that mural is huge.” Her jaw drops as soon as she sees the sheer size of the picture. The galaxies were painted with such detail that could make anyone feel small. The planets had a sort of accuracy in placement and detail that they looked like they would soon orbit around the room itself. It was breathtaking to Lapis, who had never gotten the privilege to see a painting that large in person.

“It’s not a mural, just a picture. And I guess it is pretty big, but so is space. It’s fitting in a way.” Peridot admires.

“Yeah really.”

“So about the clothes, I was wondering, would you like actual clothes or pajamas or some form of in between like sweatpants?”

“Sweatpants are cool, and sweaters or sweatshirts or hoodies.” Lapis spins to face her.

“Well you’re in luck because I _live_ for long sleeved clothing items. I know it doesn’t look like that now.” She looks down at her sports bra as she opens the two top drawers of the dresser. “But have you ever seen me at school without a hoodie? Well then again, it is mid-autumn- Sorry I’m rambling again aren’t I?”

“Yep! But I see your point. You do have a good selection of sweaters.” Lapis moves closer to the dresser and scopes the multicolored sweaters and sweatshirts.

“Pick whichever one you want.”

“I can borrow any one of these?”

“Of course, that’s the whole point of you borrowing my clothes… you borrow them! I’ll grab you a pair of sweatpants.” Peridot smiles gingerly and kneels down to one of the lower drawers. Lapis looks at the neatly folded sweaters in both drawers. Any and all of these would be perfect to wear. She selects the only blue one, a cerulean color with large knitting and no pattern. Peridot stands up with two pairs of sweatpants in hand.

“Do you prefer black or grey? I don’t have much color choice in sweatpants.” Lapis chooses the black pair and thanks her before asking where the bathroom was so she could change. Peridot shows her and goes back to her room to tidy up. Closing the drawers and taking her own wet clothes to the laundry room downstairs. When she comes back up, the bathroom door opens to reveal a warmer and less damp Lapis. They both silently agree to walk back to her room, closing the door behind them. Lapis sits in the desk chair and marvels at her many computer monitors before looking back to Peridot who was now on the bed.

“Okay, I have many questions for you Lapis. Do you mind?”

“Go ahead.”

“How long were you outside of my house? And why were you outside in the rain and frigid temperatures? Why were you dressed so nicely? And why… why do you still want to talk to me? You must hate me for what happened at lunch today, which I still feel bad for and-“

“Can I answer yet?” Lapis interludes. The other goes quiet and respectfully waits for her to answer.

“I was outside of your house since about 5. I was in the rain and cold because I wanted to apologize to you for being so rude and cold rain won’t stop me. I was dressed nicely because tonight is homecoming and you’ve never gone, and neither have I and I thought it would be fun to go with a friend, and I’m talking to you because I want us to be friends.”

Peridot’s countenance was exceedingly pale and awestruck. She felt terrible and great at the same time. Great that she has someone who actually _wants_ to be her friend, and terrible because she left her friend who just wanted to make it up to her, outside in the freezing rain. Baffled is the only word that could possibly describe her feelings right then.

“Wow… uhm. You want to be my friend?” She covers her face. “Oh I feel so AWFUL!”

“Why, did I make you that upset today? Did you think we weren’t friends?” Lapis asks confused.

“No, I just- I’ve never had a friend before that wasn’t Jasper, and that friendship had a beginning point. Literally. She pointed at me one day and said ‘you’re my new friend’ and I thought that’s how it always worked. I’ve just never had the confidence to tell people that they were my friends and… now all of a sudden I have a friend and that’s you, and I didn’t even know when this friendship of ours began because it never had a set beginning and I just left my only other friend outside in freezing rain when all you wanted to do was apologize and dance. I’m the worst friend EVER!”

Lapis gets up from the desk chair and sits on the bed next to Peridot. She wraps her arms around her in a loose hug. She denies that Peridot was ever a bad friend and that it was a stupid misunderstanding; that they’re friends now and can start their friendship a new and better way.

********************

The two took over the downstairs. Peridot grabbing every blanket from the closet and from her room and Lapis helped bring down every pillow from upstairs. They threw their supplies on the ground by the stairs. Peridot pushed the coffee table to the far wall and Lapis helped her push back the couch to make room for a large blanket fort that would soon consume the entirety of the living room.

It was then Lapis’ job to build the structure; arranging the chairs from the dining room accordingly while Peridot secures the blankets to those chairs so their fort will not cave in or fall apart. Once the structure is set, Lapis goes in with the abundance of pillows and arranges them for optimized comfort. After doing that job, she moved on to the kitchen while the other was finishing up the stability of their temporary fort.

“Hey Peridot, do you have anything chocolatey in here?” She asks while rummaging through cabinet after cabinet.

“I think so.” She yells back. “But I also think we might have the right ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies if you want.”

Hearing that, she smiles and begins a new search. After collecting eggs, butter, and brown sugar, Peridot finishes with the fort and takes out the rest of the ingredients. The two take turns measuring out the flour and sugar and dumping it into the bowl. In a separate bowl Peridot cracks the eggs and throws in the butter. Although when it came time to mixing, Peridot _clearly_ didn’t know how mixers worked; resulting in the two being immersed in a dust cloud of flour and sugar. This soon led to a flour war in which Lapis proudly won since Peridot surrendered after getting a handful of flour straight to the face for the 5th time. The loser had to measure out the rest of the flour and sugar that was lost in the war and Lapis mixed the dough together flawlessly.

They each stole a spoonful of cookie dough for themselves and put the rest on a baking sheet. While the cookies baked, they took their spoons to the fort and debated on what movie they wanted to watch. She had a vast selection of movies and it was the hardest decision between ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ and ‘Finding Nemo’, so they decided on watching both.

By the time the cookies were all done, it was past 10pm and Peridot panicked looking at the time, asking Lapis if her mother knew where she was, and if was okay to stay this late because by now, she might as well sleep over. Lapis seemed calm, telling her that she told her mom before leaving that she was going to the dance and was going to stay late and probably stay with one of her friends... and it’s not like she was completely lying either so everything would probably be just fine she hoped.

********************

After devouring most of the cookies, staining one of the blankets with chocolate, and finishing both movies the two were left to having one last conversation before passing out, the sleep weighing heavily in their eyes.

“So how did you like Ferris Bueller?” Peridot asks and Lapis chuckles.

“I fucking loved it. 10/10 would watch again.”

“Same, it’s a great movie right?”

“Great is an understatement. He reminds me of your friend though.”

Peridot looks quizzically at her.

“Come one Peridot, it’s literally your only other friend!”

“Oh, Jasper… why do you say that?”

“Well because this guy does a whole lot of stuff that he could get in trouble for but he doesn’t and just- I don’t know where I was going with this.”

“No no, I see what you’re getting at. But why do you always mention her.”

Lapis makes the same quizzical look at her. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve just noticed that every other conversation we have somehow leads to her and I don’t get it.”

“Yeah…”

“Yeah! So what is it about Jasper that we have to talk about now? Do you just not like her or something?” Peridot questions.

“No it’s not that it’s just-“

“It’s just that you don’t want me to be involved with her.”

“Not quite. More like I don’t want you to be involved with her antics. I’m fine if you still want to be friends with her, I can’t tell you who to be friends with and who not to be. But I just want the best for you, and her drugs and her friends and constant trouble making can’t possibly be good for you!”

“It’s not, and I know that. I guess I’ve always known that but I’m like an addict.”

“But you told me you never did any drugs!” Lapis flusters and sits up.

“And I haven’t! I’m addicted to her antics… I’m addicted to _her_ I think. She’s the only friend I’ve ever had and she’s all I’ve ever known. I know I could stop being her friend if I wanted to, but that’s something any addict would say, and to be honest I don’t know if I really could.”

“Hmm...” Lapis moves closer to her and places her hand on her knee. “Well now you have me, and I don’t have anyone else. We have each other and I’m going to help you with your addiction.”

Peridot smiles and goes in for a hug. Lapis returns the embrace and offers an “I’m sorry for being so stubborn about this lately.”

“Lapis, you’re not stubborn.” She hugs tighter. “You’re just passionate.”


	5. More Often

The distant star shines its light through the slats of the living room windows. The room is bright with the exception of the dark accent drapery that frames each window. Bleary eyed Peridot is the first to rise. She wakes up on the floor surrounded by pillows, cushions, and every blanket in the house. Their fort had caved in overnight and part of it sagged lowly on her face. Lapis, mere inches away from her, was still dreaming soundly.

She sat up and looked down at Lapis, debating profusely on whether or not it would be alright to wake her. She decided against it, seeing how comfortable she looked surrounded by the many blankets and pillows.

Her eyes lingered on her new friend just a bit longer than they normally would have if she were awake. There was just something about how odd the situation was that made it seem perfect. How none of this would’ve happened if Peridot hadn’t jeopardized their relationship in the first place. And how Lapis could’ve walked home from Peridot’s house at any moment but decided to stay outside for hours. And how Peridot could’ve answered the door much sooner and actually gone to the dance with her, but that wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun as this mess was. There was nothing about it that seemed right, but no event seemed misplaced either.

Although the room was a complete disaster and she would have to clean all of it eventually, it was nice. Every little mess was a big reminder of how much fun they had. The kitchen was littered with flour, but so was she and she had never been so happy in her life. She smiled, and smiled wider and tried to conceal her laughter so not to wake Lapis. It didn’t work. Lapis blinked back the fog of sleep from her eyes and focused on the blonde. She smiles and rakes her fingers through her own hair.

“What are you laughing at? Did I snore or something while I was asleep?”

“No way. I’m just laughing because… I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.”

Lapis smiles wider. “Same.”

The two crawl out of their makeshift fort and stand to admire their mess. Lapis immediately claims the task of taking down the fort and putting its pieces away, which leaves kitchen duty to Peridot. They go their separate ways, Lapis occasionally asking where certain things go, unaware of the previous anatomy of her house. Peridot finished wiping the counters and walls, ridding them of flour and Lapis put everything away when suddenly it hit them-

Today was a school day.

Peridot ran upstairs and began to fluster. Erratic hand gestures and quick pacing between different rooms upstairs led her to inevitably put her shirt on backwards and forget to brush out her hair from her messy bun. Lapis panicked too, but on a lesser scale. She took another one of Peridot’s sweaters and changed from sweatpants to jeans. She washed her face to rid herself of any makeup and left the house alongside Peridot.

They stopped by Lapis’ house to retrieve her backpack before running as fast as they could to school. They were late of course, but not by much. Ms. Diamond let them off with a warning and kids looked at them with confusion for the whole class period. That was to be expected they both thought, but for different reasons. Lapis believed it was because the two ‘nobodys’ were clearly just hanging out, and Peridot believed it was because her shirt was on backwards. They were both right.

********************

“Mind if I sit here?” Lapis asks, lunch tray in hand.

Peridot looks up from her array of multicolored textbooks with a plastic spork in her mouth. A smile curls at the edges of her lips and she nods. Lapis sets down her tray and slides into the seat across from her. The table nearest to them was snickering madly. Whether it was something funny that someone had said or it was the fact that the two of them were sitting together, it unsettled Lapis. She looked at one of them- a tall, intimidating girl with glasses and violet hair- and a spark of recognition lit in her mind. She knew her name was Sugilite and that she hung around Jasper after school. When their eyes met, Sugilite was quick to stop laughing and the others around her followed suit. Lapis knew then what was so incredibly funny. She looked away from them and down at her tray; the food on her plate seemed even less appetizing than it was before. Peridot takes the spork out of her mouth and places it back in her lunch box.

“Hey…” She tries to get her attention, but Lapis doesn’t acknowledge her.

“Lapis…” Peridot waves her hand a little. “Ignore them. They do this all the time. They’re not laughing at you.”

Lapis looks up with concern, thinking that she is terribly mistaken. She can tell by the abrupt stop of their cackling and the way they looked away as if they were never laughing at all, that Peridot was wrong. They were laughing at her. No doubt about it.

“Okay, if you say so.” Lapis slides her tray over to make room for her elbows. She rests her head in her palms and gazes at the rainbow of open books that coat more than half of the round table.

“It’s a good thing no one else sits here or else they’d have no room for their food. How can you even read all of these?”

“What do you mean? There is plenty of room at this table. I even made room for you in case you wanted to sit with me.”

“Wow. But seriously, how do you manage to study like this?” She moves her hand to take one of the open books, her head now resting in one palm. She flips the pages negligently before Peridot gets up and reaches across the table to move the book back into place and onto its previous page.

“Easy! I arrange my books in the order of which I need to study most. I then open them to the correct pages and take all the notes I need from each book. I close the book when I’m done and stack them on my left. And when this lunch period ends I take the stack and place it in my awaiting backpack.”

“That’s a long and unnecessary process.” Lapis looks back at Sugilite’s table.

“Unnecessary? Are you kidding me? This makes it way easier because now I do not have to reach into my backpack to find whichever book I need- which is a terrible task because they all look the same- and then flip to the right page each time with every book for just a couple of notes! THIS IS NOT UNNECESSARY!” She slams her hands on the table passionately.

The unforeseen action makes Lapis jump and erupts cackling from Sugilite’s table once again. She blushes and looks away from them, giving Peridot a helpless look. The blonde apologizes for her misconduct and quickly closes every book on the table, stacking them neatly to her left before entangling her fingers on the table’s surface. The subject is changed sharply.

“So Lapis, what are you doing after school?”

“Oh uhm,” She clears her throat. “I didn’t- wasn’t… I have nothing to do. What about you Peridot?”

“Well now that you mention it I have a track meet after school. It was cancelled yesterday due to the Homecoming activities, and with our annual competition just mere months away, we can’t afford to miss even one meet! So I will be there for a couple of hours and then I will walk home and do what I usually do.”

“…And that is?” Lapis urges her to continue.

“Study, study some more, keep studying, make dinner which consists of books with a side of studying and then go to sleep around 1.”

“What a riveting night you have ahead of you.” Lapis smirks and Peridot returns the expression.

“Yeah, it’s absolutely monotonous doing that stuff every single night.” She runs her fingers through the loose strands of her updo. “And you would think I would get tired of it right? But I’m not. I can’t get enough of skipping meals and locking myself in my room to read books and books and books until my head starts hurting and my eyes start burning. I never get enough of having no one text me asking to go to some killer party or hang out and get chemical with them- not that I do drugs anyways. I just love sitting alone all the time and having no one approach me as I read the same books I read last night and the night before. I just really enjoy that.”

Peridot is now gripping the loose strands with such a force to make her knuckles turn white. Her eyes fix solely upon Lapis. She opens her mouth to say something but the bell interrupts her. Everyone that wasn’t already standing now leaves their seat and exits the cafeteria, throwing away their foodless trays as they go. Lapis moves to throw away her meal and then goes back to claim her backpack. Peridot is still shoving books into her backpack when she returns. Lapis sees her trying to squeeze in the last and only blue text book. It’s not working; there is no possible way she could fit it.

“Hey, I can carry that one for you.” She offers. Peridot just shakes her head and continues pressing the book into her bag. After about thirty more seconds of struggling Peridot defeatedly hands the book to her and they walk to their last classes side by side.

********************

Peridot’s track meet was exceptionally good this time. No particular person got on her nerves and everyone seemed to be present and on time. As the unofficial leader of their group- being that she is a senior- this made her very pleased and she was able to carry out the meet with little to no trouble. Towards the end of the meet Lapis came to the track with a singular textbook in hand. Peridot runs up to the chain-link fence that separates the track from the school premise.

“Hey there!” She huffs, leaning over and resting her arms atop the fence.

“Hey, I know you were having this meet today so I thought I’d give this to you now so you can study properly when you get home. I forgot to give it back to you.” She hands the blue book to her.

“Thanks. My meet is almost over if you wanted to walk home together.” She smiles and accepts the book. The other nods and smiles back. Peridot then jogs to retrieve her things and says a farewell to the coach as she leaves the track.

The two make it home in record time, arriving in front of Peridot’s house in a matter of ten minutes after leaving the school campus. She opens the front door and manages to sneak herself and her friend by her parents and upstairs to her room. Peridot unloads her backpack of every textbook as soon as the door closes and displays them across a good portion of the floor. Lapis sets her backpack down and sits on the floor next to her with legs crossed. She’s clearly not one to study so she takes part in watching the blonde write down her notes. After a while though, Peridot realizes what’s going on. She looks up from her books.

“Why are you not doing anything Miss Lazuli?”

“What do you mean? I’m watchin’ you take notes, that’s something right?”

“Well yes but-“ Just then Peridot’s phone goes off. She reaches into her backpack to retrieve the device and gets up immediately to leave the room, holding up a finger to signal for Lapis to stay where she was. She quickly goes into the bathroom and closes the door, leaning herself against the back of it and answering shakily.

“Are you alright? Are you still with your friends? Are you coming over? You can’t come over.”

“Relax Dotty.” There’s a muffled sound on the other end of the phone before Jasper continues. “Listen, do you still have that money I gave you? I need ya to go and meet a friend of mine since you won’t lemme come over. You remember Sugi right?”

“I am busy at the moment, I know you hate it when I do this but I really can’t go anywhere tonight. I had a track meet and-“

“So you’re not gonna do it?”

“Jasper, I can’t tonight. I’m really sorry. I can give you the money tomorrow. And I think we should talk.”

“Dotty, why the fuck do you wanna talk some other time when we’re talking right now? You can always talk to me.” There are more muffled sounds of what noticeably seems to be coughing and grunting in the background. Peridot braces herself, drawing in a breath and exhaling precariously. She pushes the phones harder on her face and bites her lip. Japser’s grating breath becoming overbearingly loud as seconds pass.

“I can’t do it I’ll talk later goodbye.” And she hangs up. Opening the door quickly, Lapis falls onto her and they both hit the ground hard.

“What was that?” A disgruntled parent screeches from downstairs.

“Eugh.” Peridot moans. She tries to get up but Lapis is prohibiting her from doing so. Their legs are entangled and Lapis’ head currently rests on her chest. It wouldn’t be so uncomfortable if they hadn’t hit the ground so hard.

“Yeah, Peridot. What was that?” Lapis finally speaks.

“Ha, you’re telling me! Were you not just listening in on my call? What was _that_ all about?” Peridot tries to push her off but Lapis’ hands move to cuff her wrists to the floor.

“I only started listening when I knew who you were talking to. You don’t talk quietly you know. I just wanted to see if you were going to do what I thought you were going to do. I’m here to help remember?”

“Restraining me isn’t helping. And I was going to do that, but I guess I just didn’t.” She looks into her eyes. They stare at each other for a moment; silent, unmoving and reluctant to make any first move. The tension of so many things needing to be said all at once is overwhelming. The tension of wanting to say, _I’m trying to change_ and _you have really pretty eyes_ and not knowing which to say first because both seem equally important at this moment.

“I think you should call her back.” Lapis’ voice breaks. Peridot unwillingly agrees and suddenly her hands are freed and Lapis is leaning up and reaching for the phone. She dials and they both sit up straight.

“My phone cracked a little… she’s not answering. Do I leave a message?” She receives a nod.

“Jasper, it’s me. Uhm, I don’t think I should hang onto your money anymore… or your stuff. I don’t feel comfortable with it anymore. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad. Uhm. I’m sorry. I’ll see you at school tomorrow and I’ll give it all back to you. I just think I need a change.”

With that Peridot hangs up the phone, her hands shaking violently and her breathing erratic. Shock is setting in quickly. Everything is going to go downhill from here and she knows it. She can just feel it. The spiteful eyes on her the minute she’d walk onto campus, the rumors exchanged behind her back, the violence picking back up. It will be just like last time she did something wrong. Nothing is going to change.

But two arms wrap around her neck this time and she is pulled close into a gentle embrace. Lapis held her together in the midst of her panic. Lapis wanted to help her change for the better; she saw something in the hopeless loser that was worth fighting for and worth saving. No one had ever done that.

“I’m proud of you. I know what it takes to do that.” Lapis spoke just above a whisper. The two sat there hugging for a while, Lapis’ arms holding her near and Peridot’s arms hugging loosely against the other’s sides.

“I don’t want to know how you know this feeling. It’s terrible. You shouldn’t know what this feels like. You’re such a good person.” Peridot whispers, she’s choking back tears.  

“I hate to break it to you but bad things happen to good people more often than you think.”

“I’m sorry.” Two tears trail down her face and leave dark splotches on Lapis’ shoulders. The feeling of guilt and regret was becoming insufferable.

“Don’t say that. It was never your fault.” More tears fall onto her shoulders. “And please don’t cry. She never had your best interest, and she’ll be gone soon enough. She’s not worth your tears.”

“Yes, but maybe _you_ are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Main plot points have all been set now. Get ready for the real course of this story, make sure to have proper safety by keeping all arms and legs inside at all times. If you feel the urge to scream or cry, please do so, the point of this story is to entertain! Enjoy the ride :)


	6. Are You Okay?

Disbelief is the only word to describe the events following the night that Peridot had cried into Lapis’ embrace. The blonde chose to do something that she’d never once thought to do. The shorter of the two will change something about herself drastically, some were more in shock than others, and some felt generally numb to the whole situation. Everything was wrong, twisted, and backfiring like hell.

********************

It was a gorgeous January afternoon that hardly felt like winter was in full swing. Not that it was hot or even warm, but a light jacket for anyone would suffice. Over two months had passed since Lapis first decided to sit with Peridot at lunch. Since then it has become a sort of routine that they were practically inseparable. Because of this, the dark haired girl got the honor of actually meeting Jasper for the first time. Jasper got her message and agreed to take her stuff back the next time they saw each other. On the day she came back to school from heavens knows where, Peridot found herself face to face with her and her friends in the far corner lot before class began.

The situation was quite uncomfortable, Lapis and Peridot quivering in the mere presence of the three most intimidating drug dealers and users of that small area. Well known for what they do, no one dares to mess with them. They put their trust into trustworthy people who won’t blow their cover to anyone of authority. And while Peridot never blew their cover and was completely loyal at all costs until now, she had a bad feeling about this certain exchange.

It happened very quickly, which was to be expected. Peridot approached them with Lapis closely behind. Her bag was set on the ground and she kneeled without a word. Every pocket of her bag was stuffed with things to give back; there were no textbooks or notebooks stuck in. She pulled out armloads of marijuana filled bags, cocaine, LSD, ketamine, bath salts, heroine, and the list kept going. Lapis was in shock, looking around frantically to see if anyone would see the massive high stash that was flowing out of the blonde’s bag. Not to mention the abstract devices she pulled out as well. Malachite was the first to make any move, reaching down quickly to snatch a few bags and shoving them inside of her own. Jasper and Sugilite wait until the girl had finished pulling out everything to divide it up and take what was theirs.

Peridot stands up with her empty bag, zipping it and flinging it onto her back, looking at Lapis as she did so. The dark haired girl seemed incredibly anxious, her eyes looking elsewhere and her body tensed with arms crossed. Jasper throws an arm around Peridot’s neck and pulls her into some uncomfortable side hug. Lapis’ eyes lock on the buff girl but her body remains faced away from the group.

“Hey Dotty I really owe ya one. I know what it meant to have to keep all this for us. You could’ve bounced any time, but I’m glad ya stuck around for me. Too bad I’ll have to find another nerd to stash my shit on.” Jasper fake punches her in the head and lets go.

“Ah who am I kiddin’ there’ll never be someone who could replace you!” She elbows Peridot in the side. “Go on to class and if the teacher asks, you know what to say. See ya ‘round kiddo.”

Malachite waves a few of her fingers, using most of them to flick a lighter in her hand, lighting the end of a cigarette that stuck out from her mouth. Sugilite is kneeling and sorting everything into three piles but she looks up, her dimple piercings catch the light and she smiles. Not one of them seemed even the slightest bit mad at her. They were smiling and everything seemed okay. Peridot had no regrets about what she had just done, and she felt a hell of a lot better. Lapis takes Peridot’s hand and begins walking away briskly, the blonde tripping backwards in surprise.

“Hey!” She yelps, blushing madly.

“Sorry for the short notice but I have to get out of here.” Lapis speaks lowly through gritted teeth. Peridot adjusts her step so not to walk backwards anymore. They pick up pace.

“I know that it was uncomfortable for you but try not to do that again okay. I feel like they can sense fear. Plus they were really nice about everything. I was astonished!”

“Well I wasn’t surprised at all. That’s why I want to get as far away from them as I can.”

“They would not have hurt us if that is what you are thinking.”

“No Peridot, can’t you see what they’re doing? They’re trying to fake you out. They act nice to make you think that they have your best interest still. Don’t talk to them anymore. I don’t want anything bad to happen.”

“Nothing bad will happen.” Lapis looks at her sternly. “I mean, something bad still could happen. But the chances of that are very slim now because I just gave away everything that links me to them. I am free now.”

The shorter of the two says nothing, the look of concern unwavering from her countenance. Peridot is unsure of herself, she knows that she did the right thing but everything she did just then felt wrong. They shouldn’t have been smiling, Lapis was right. The two proceeded to class without speaking and neither of them mentioned or seemed to notice that their hands were still laced together.

********************

The next event worth mentioning took place one week after the exchange, Halloween. The day began when Lapis decided that her alarm clock was too persistent. She threw herself out of bed and into her bathroom to get ready for the approaching evening. It was planned from beginning to end- thanks to Peridot’s helpful planning advice- and it was going to be perfect! Lapis looked in the mirror to see her exemplary costume hanging behind her. She could see it now, her jaw hitting the floor, the shade of cherries rushing to her cheeks, contrasting the revelation in her green eyes. Lapis couldn’t wait; she subconsciously rolls up her sleeves and gets to work.

Peridot, on the other hand had slept in; this was one of the shittiest mornings she had ever experienced. Everything that had happened during the week was wrong. Textbooks were left at home, homework wasn’t getting done, focusing in class was the last thing she could do because her thoughts were always elsewhere. Jasper talked to her in the hallways, invited her to parties, and her friends did as well and they seemed like genuine invites. Wrong WRONG **WRONG!** Logically, none of this would have happened if she hadn’t made the exchange, she thought. None of the invites, none of the smiles, none of the schoolwork neglect, and none of the thoughts that rack her brain until much too late at night, causing her to sleep in on any day of the week. The blonde got up and smiled at the day despite everything that was wrong with it. She kept thinking to herself that everything would be better, that the week was just a bad dream that made her sleep through her alarm.

Curtains are drawn and sunlight peeks in through the blinds making evenly spaced oblong rectangles on the white carpet. Peridot loathed those rectangles in her carpet. The sun always made those dull hues in the same spaces when reflecting into her window. Nothing was pretty about those little _rainbows_ today. Nothing was pretty today. But still she went about her day as if everything were the same. She put her hair up in her typical high bun and put on comfortable clothes. Looking in the mirror, she sported a yellow- almost white- top with pale blue-green high wasted jeans in which her shirt was tucked loosely in; probably her favorite outfit, but today it just didn't have the same effect.

She gazed at her cyan eyes in the mirror and saw a discrepancy. She shouldn't be feeling like this; everything was fine. She still had Jasper as a friend and Malachite had never been so nice to her. Sugilite stopped joking with her, no longer laughing at her back during lunch. Peridot noticed this whenever she launched into one of her passionate spiels about covalent hydrides bonding with other highly electronegative elements. Pounding her hands on the table and expelling words that were too big to possibly make sense to anyone without a high functioning temporal lobe. The table in which Sugilite and her friends sat remained absent of incessant giggles and mocking for the first time.

Sugilite had turned in her seat to face another and carry on a conversation with them, and the rest of the table seemed to follow suit with that action. The whole situation was either oddly coincidental or something was actually changing. Peridot couldn’t quite bring herself to terms with the second option, nothing should be changing yet. For someone who hasn’t experienced much change in her life for the past decade, it’s a strong assumption to make. Yet she’s almost positive that anyone who just got essentially dumped would not, could not, and should not be acting in that manor of sorts.

If nothing else, she had Lapis as a friend, or someone who could provide some stability in her life. What was Lapis to her? Obviously they were friends as they had made a point to clearly state that. But could she be anything more? Peridot wondered this, her stare anchored to the bathroom mirror before her.

“Of course she could be more than a friend.” The blonde states aloud. “We could be best friends!”

But just because she never said it out loud doesn’t mean she wasn’t considering a romantic relationship with the girl. It would never happen though, as homosexual relationships were out of the question. Her father would demand that they never see or speak to each other again, her mother would disown her, and she herself- although never having experienced any romantic relationship- was unsure of how it would work. She wasn’t totally opposed to the idea, after all, Lapis was radiant, stunningly gorgeous and downright perfect for her in every way, not that she had tested theories and studied their statistical compatibility or anything… The few concerns Peridot had with the idea were:

  * if Lapis felt the same way
  * if Peridot was sure that _she_ felt that way
  * how to engage herself in a romantic relationship
  * what to do from there



She pulled herself away from the mirror, making one decision for herself as she did so. She promised that she wouldn’t give herself more stress than she needed- that meaning that she wouldn’t openly pursue Lapis even if the opportunity came to her. Lapis was wonderful, but she couldn’t see a possible scenario in which they could be more than friends or best. But if Lapis was enough to make Peridot feel weightless and worth something now, than that _must_ be enough.

It was a quarter after three when Lapis came to a cessation that waiting patiently was not an option. Her room was a disaster and she had no desire to clean it, though she did anyways to pass the time. Eventually the girl got so carried away with cleaning that she actually ended up on the front porch of Peridot’s house to return to her a singular piece of English notes she had borrowed. The trade was brisk and they didn’t speak for long before both of them realized that they had to get ready for the evening. They parted at her doorstep, waving goodbye to one another until they were- to each other- out of sight.

The process of getting their outfits together happened promptly when they each came inside their respective houses. Peridot put together what’s known as a “closet cosplay” for one of her favorite book characters, and Lapis finally put in her makeup and threw on the outfit that she knew would stun Peridot. The shorter of the two waited for a couple of hours before heading back to Peridot’s house.

The doorbell rings and Peridot was at the door in mere seconds, flinging it open with a huge grin. Though, Lapis was right. Peridot was utterly amazed to say the least, her jaw dropped subconsciously and a blush erupted from her cheeks so vibrantly that she looked like she could pass out. Lapis had shown up in a gorgeous handmade dress with a sort of dark translucent fabric that wrapped around her arms and midsection and flowed to the ground. The dark fabric that made up the dress was an odd blue green color to Peridot. She had sprayed the same color dye in her hair which she had in a certain updo that accentuated everything that was beautiful about her. She seemed to shine in the dim light of Peridot’s porch, and although she claimed to dress as a "water witch" she looked more like a queen to the blonde. She most certainly put Peridot’s outfit to shame.

“You are- I’m just- you so,” Peridot stutters out. She covers her face with both hands and steps aside so Lapis could come in.

Lapis waltzes in knowing that the girl’s eyes would follow her and promptly twirls around to face Peridot again. Peridot closes the door and locks it while still covering her face.

“You don't have to cover your face Peridot.”

“Yes I do, the blush will not go away and it is embarrassing.”

“Why are you blushing? It's just me.”

“You are so beautiful, who would not be a complete disaster in your presence?”

Lapis dips her head to hide her own blush and huge smile. She promised both Peridot and herself earlier that she wouldn't smile wide enough to show her teeth, but most certainly broke that promise in that moment. At that notion, Peridot gasps and runs upstairs, still covering her face.

“Peridot! What are you doing?”

“BLUSHING TOO MUCH, BLUSH IS EXITING THROUGH THE NOSE. I REPEAT, BLUSH IS EXITING THROUGH THE NOSE AT A RAPID PACE!” She exclaims as she quick steps upstairs to her bathroom.

Lapis busts out laughing, and yells back “You really are a disaster in my presence!”

The night followed accordingly, the two stayed up for most of the night watching various horror movies in Peridot’s room and devoured the candy that they would've handed out if they hadn't been “busy” when kids came to the door. Peridot convinced Lapis that her hair looks gorgeous as that hue and that she should actually dye it that color. That night they slept together in her bed and woke up after noon. Peridot didn't so much mind that she slept in today, and the rectangles that shown in her room from the blinds covering her window didn't bother her either. They illuminated Lapis’ face, highlighting her prominent cheekbones that still had foundation and mascara smears.

Next events to follow were Thanksgiving and the winter holidays. Both of which they spent together. Lapis wasn't fortunate enough this year to have a real Thanksgiving dinner at her own house, so Peridot invited her to her over to her house for the occasion. Same with the winter holidays, Peridot taking her to the mall and saying that she has a $200 budget. She only spent $67 of it because she felt bad about spending so much. Peridot insisted that she spend it but she never really did.

New Year’s Eve was another event that they spend together, this time at Lapis’ house. Lapis’ room was significantly smaller that Peridot’s, and her house in general was also smaller. They didn't have all their appliances, but the place was always clean. Lapis’ parents really did care about her and their house; they just didn't have the money for much.

On the clock read 11:49pm. Just ten minutes until they would get to ring in the New Year together just as they had celebrated every other holiday as well.

“Hey Lapis,” The blonde says to get her attention. Lapis comes into the room from the connecting bathroom, using a makeup wipe to cleanse her face. She's wearing loose fitting striped pajama pants and a black sweatshirt. Peridot lays on her bed in shorts and a matching sweatshirt.  

“What's up?”

“Do you know that saying? The one about New Years?”

“You gotta be more specific than that.”

“The one that goes something like, who are you going to kiss at midnight?”

Lapis stops wiping her face and smiles.

“Oh yes I do know that one.”

“Well, who or what are you going to kiss at midnight?”

Lapis throws away the towelette and turns off the light. The ambiance is set by the faint light that her small television is giving off, that being the only light source. She walks to the bed and plops herself inches away from the other.

“I don't know, it could be anyone or anything and that's hard to narrow down.”

“True, but I know who I would like to kiss.” States the blonde.

“Oh really now? And who would that be?”

“Myself, as no one would want to kiss me.”

Lapis looks disheartened. She leans herself down and faces her.

“Who said _that_?”

“I did, obviously. No one has ever wanted to kiss me, let alone touch me. No, not even look at me! I do not think you understand the extent to which I am unloved.”

“I guess I don't, but I think you're pretty great and I don't know if lovable is the right word, but you're definitely lovable…to me at least.”

“Yeah?” Peridot looks at her, their faces just centimeters apart. The light of the TV glows brighter.

“Yeah.”

_12… 11… 10…_

Lapis’ eyes scan down the others face, resting on the space between her nose and upper lip. Peridot confidently does the same.

_8… 7… 6… 5…_

Their eyes are unmoving. Peridot smiles and this ignites a similar smile from Lapis.

_2… 1…_

_HAPPY NEW YEAR!_

Lapis leans in to close the gap between their faces as the door to her room slams open. The two jump nearly out of their skin and Peridot falls off the side of the bed. Lapis’ parents stand in the doorframe with party hats, glasses, and cups of sparkling cider. They shout “HAPPY NEW YEAR” before dancing away without closing the door. The girl looks over the side of the bed at Peridot, who has begun hyperventilating.

Lapis crawls down from the bed and reaches to close her door before wrapping an arm around her trembling friend. Peridot leans her head on her shoulder, fitting perfectly in the crook of her neck.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just got a little frightened.”

“Sorry,” Lapis places a kiss on the top of her head before laying her own head on the others. “Interesting way to start the New Year though.”

“Yeah I will remember this one.” She sighs with a smile.

“Same. Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year.”

And something had finally changed.


	7. It Takes Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I should post a trigger warning for this chapter and the next. They mention some themes that may be sensitive to some of my readers. Read at your own risk, but I tried not to make it horribly graphic.   
> -Boo

Her eyes opened; the sun's gentle light filtered through the window and through the drapes that hung lazily around the glass. The light filled the room and reflected off of her pale blue walls. Potted plants and hanging plants littered the room; singular flowers in vases sat on her dresser and nightstand beside the bed. The bed itself was positioned in the corner of the room right beside the door. The door to the bathroom connected the room opposite the wall that had the bed.  She loved this room because it gave her a great comfort, as if nothing wrong could ever happen here. Though she knew that something was bound to happen, it didn’t scare her. Her room would always welcome her into its arm-like walls when she felt any emotion.

She had felt a lot of emotions in this room, most negative, though some more recently were very positive; happy, ecstatic, hopeful, free, bewildered, in love, etc. She recalls the first time she felt happy in this room. They had just moved into this house and she was unpacking all of her things into what was once a blank slate of a room with echoing walls and ripped up floors. The first things she put away were her books which never all fit on the shelf. That book shelf was her favorite piece of the room and seeing it complete again made her smile for the first time during the whole move.

Lapis hadn’t cared to make too many friends before she moved; just like Peridot, friends made _her_ and that was enough. She did not have a best friend until she moved here. Still though, she never thought to actively make friends here and now. Looking back on her life with her blanket draped lamely over her lower half and her gaze unmoving from the whirring ceiling fan, she realizes how better life is now than it used to be.

The blankets beside her stir, and Peridot lifts her head in an act to check if Lapis is awake. Lapis rolls onto her side to look at the messy haired blonde.  She studies her face, though her eyes seem to linger on the gaze of her vibrant green eyes.

It was the first of the year and today would be the day that Lapis would strip her hair of all color and finally dye it the shade of blue from Halloween. She loved the electricity the hue had; it was her absolute favorite color. She leaped wordlessly from the bed and pranced into the connecting bathroom. The hair dye was sitting on the edge of the sink and she picked it up as she closed the door. In just a few moments she would finally change. She could become her favorite color and maybe that would be enough for her to love herself, she thought.

She rolled up her sleeves and frowned. The idea of bleaching her hair and dyeing it was not as great as it seemed now. Her eyes met with the condition of her skin and she realized that changing one small thing wouldn't negate the changes she’d still have to make. The color of her hair wouldn't change the fact that she had been hiding for last few years of her life. And those years wouldn't magically come back even if she told someone. At least if she brought it up then maybe she wouldn't have to worry about hiding all the time. Then someone would know and she wouldn't have to hide from them anymore. _What would she think of me?_

There was a knock at the door.

“Don't come in.” She cursed out.

There was a disheveled mumble outside of the door before an audible “Okay” was heard. Guilt radiated inside of her instantaneously. Peridot deserves to know. Out of everyone she has ever trusted, and out of those who cared about her, Peridot deserves it most.

“Peridot,” she calls through the door. “I- you can come in.”

She opens the door for the blonde.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Can I uhm- talk to you about something?”

“Of course! Is it about the hair dye? Remember we have to bleach it first and I have the stuff in my overnight bag. We could do that now if you w-”

“It's not that. I just want to talk about personal stuff.”

“How personal?”

“Really personal.” She sighs.

She closes the door, and Peridot looks around for a place to sit before deciding to place herself in the empty bathtub. Lapis sits in the opposite end.

“So, have you ever done something that you really regret... but you can't stop doing it?”

“Like an addiction?”

“Uh, I don't think that's what I meant. I mean uhm… Have you ever been sad?”

“Who has not?”

“But for no reason?”

“You mean you want to tell me that you have depression? I have read up on that, if you need help coping or anything then I would be glad to assist you.”

“Okay. What can you offer me?”

“I cannot offer anything until I know the severity of the situation.”

“I see. Can I show you?”

Peridot looks at her with confusion but nods. Lapis takes in a deep breath and shoves her arms out in front of her. Her sleeves were rolled back to reveal lengthy scars in abundance on both appendages. Most were faded but some still has thin scabs that lined them. Her left arm had the worst injury; one spanned from wrist to elbow crease and though it was faded, the sight of it sent chills down Peridot’s spine. Most others were small and straight on the middle of her arm. Some scars weren't cuts either; some were clearly burns and other mutilations that do not seem easy to accomplish with a weak stomach. Patches of skin were discolored from the scarring and the most prominent scar resembled the words _not okay_.

“Lapis…”

“I-it's like that on my legs too.”

“Lapis…” She repeats. She reaches out to her, wrapping her fingers tenderly around the others wrist. Her eyes study up and down her arm before moving to the other.

“Why did you do this?”

“You can’t ask me that- I don’t know. It started with one and then that wasn’t enough.”

“But you did the first one for some reason.”

“Well yeah, I was just really upset. And I was dumb enough to think that box cutters and hot metals could cure my sorrows. But I don’t do it anymore.”

“Lapis, some of these are definitely recent.” She lets go of Lapis’ arm.

“Yeah, I haven’t done it this year.”

“It is the first day in January.”

Lapis nods but she doesn’t say anything. Her eyes grow cloudy and her lip quivers involuntarily. She dips her head and lets out a flood of tears that stream down from both eyes. She tries to catch her breath but her breath hitches and she lets out a gravelly sob.

“I… I just wanted to die.” She cries. “I didn’t kn-know how to go. But I… realize that I-I don’t want to anym-more.”

“So why do you not stop?” Peridot asks awkwardly. Caring is creepy and foreign to the blonde; comforting people is definitely not her forte. She just wishes that she could do something to make her stop crying before she _herself_ starts crying.

“You’re right.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have an ad-addiction.” She cries harder, pulling her sleeves down and using them to cover her face. Even with her face hidden, her emotions clearly aren’t. In fact they are more evident to Peridot than ever.

It must have taken a lot of courage to bring that up, to show her, and to admit to it. Though Peridot did not do that and never had those feelings, she could relate to her in a way. She felt an overwhelming sensation of both guilt and hope. Lapis was addicted to self-harm. Peridot had to help her with her addiction and _that_ was mutual. What a strange coincidence that the two of them would turn out to be like this; two addicts that had never used drugs or alcohol.

Lapis picked her head back up, her bangs obstructing the top half of her face. Her teeth were gritted and her face was saturated. Her eyes still had a few lingering tears and her nose was running, but she had calmed down for the most part. Her heaving had ceased but her breath still hitched occasionally. She picked up her head more and used her sleeved palms to wipe her face. She looks to Peridot and exhales.

“I'm sorry.”

“It is really okay. I am just horrible at comforting people. I should be the sorry one.”

“Can I… Have a hug?”

Peridot nods and she repositions herself in the tub to hug her. The two stay like this for a while, both of them underestimating how much they really needed that. They separate but Peridot crowds herself in next to Lapis, not wanting to leave her in this state. The blonde shakily puts her arm around the others shoulder. They sit there in silence, not really looking at anything. The door receives a faint knock; Lapis’ mother asks if they are alright. Lapis replies with a “Yeah, we’re good.” and stands up from the tub, Peridot’s arm retracting quickly. Lapis picks up the hair dye that was resting on the edge of the sink once more. She looks to Peridot and smiles. Peridot jumps from the tub and slips, falling face first into the ground. Lapis gasps, suppressing the urge to laugh because she may actually be hurt. The taller of the two picks herself up enough to make eye contact with Lapis. The two burst out in wild laughter and Peridot covers her reddened face.

********************

Peridot sits on the edge of Lapis’ bed, kicking her feet and eyeing the plants that sprouted from every vantage point in the others room. The dyer in the bathroom stopped which grabbed the blonde’s attention. After a minute or two the door opens. Lapis steps out with an unwavering ear to ear smile. Peridot noticed the gorgeous blue-green hue that her hair now was. The blonde was sure to mention how beautiful the girl was and that dyeing it blue was the best decision. Now that their only goal for the day was accomplished and the day had barely gone by, they were left to do nothing but sit around the house. They tossed up ideas of cooking together, playing video games, watching a movie, but all to no avail.

“We could go somewhere fun? Like roller skating? Oh, or ice skating?” Lapis offers.

“Is it not cold enough outside already?”

“Well yeah, but ice skating isn’t so cold once you get used to it.”

“I do not know how to skate Lapis.”

“I can teach you! It’s really fun and simple once you go enough times. I used to go all the time.”

“I am not really in the mood for that kind of stuff today. I learn enough at school.”

The two sit in silence, thinking up ways to cure their boredom.

“Why don’t we go to the school?”

“In case you have forgotten we are- wait... I have keys to the school.”

“You _do_ have keys to the school.”

A mischievous smile dances across the blonde’s face and a similar one crosses the bluenette’s. They get up and practically race each other outside of the house. They run to Peridot’s house and grab the keys from the top drawer of Peridot’s dresser. As they race to the school on winter break, the two couldn’t help but share the same thought. Today had been an odd day, and it was only bound to get better.


	8. I Trusted You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder: This chapter also contains sensitive material that may be triggering. Though this chapter is by far less graphic, I feel like I have to post a warning because it is mentioned again.   
> -Boo

The two broke away from the rows of houses, crossing through the small patch of woods that separated the neighborhood from the main road. Lapis leads the way and glances back more than occasionally to check that her partner was still following- which of course she was. Peridot recalls that just a few months ago _she_ would have led the way through the woods patch. Lapis had always been afraid of turning down the wrong trail or losing the other. However, after travelling down the same paths together almost every day before and after school, Lapis grew accustom to their route. She was still afraid of losing Peridot, hence why she kept turning around every few steps and skillfully watched her through her peripherals. Truthfully she did gain a new confidence that she had not had before she met the blonde.

The dull roar of speeding cars approached as the edge of the woods opened up to the main road. Conveniently the light at the intersection had turned yellow as they took their final steps through the low brush and trees, and the cars had all stopped by the time they crossed. Now they could walk side by side, and so they did pressed together in an act to retain heat. _Walking_ to the campus was probably not their best idea considering it was much colder today than it had been all winter. It would have been much easier if someone had driven them, but Peridot did not have the time to process the possibility, and Lapis simply had yet to take drivers-ed.

Soon enough they were padding across the empty parking lot. Lapis shivered and pushed herself closer to the other. They had been talking and mildly complaining that they did not drive or put on heavier jackets. Peridot had asked Lapis why she never took drivers-ed and she replied with a short “Not enough money.” Lapis promptly threw back a question, asking the other why she never drove to school when she in fact had a license and car. The blonde responded wistfully, saying “I prefer walking. And when I walk to school, then I do not have my car in the parking lot to drive me back home.”

All chatter stopped when they reached the locked front doors of the school building. Peridot reached into her back pocket and pulled out a jingling wad of keys- similar to what a janitor would carry. She filed through the keys with icy fingers that shook ever so slightly before jutting one into the lock of the door, twisting it, and finally unlocking their arena.

The empty halls echo with each footstep the girls take. The building was not much warmer than outside, but it was enough to stop their shivering. The two both agreed that the school looked much different when it was empty. Without the incessant conversations and yelling from the cliques on a typical day, the school seemed quite peaceful. No lights had been turned on, therefore the main hall was exceptionally dark considering the cloud cover that left the day so cold. They walked to the gym first; the double doors closed behind them and left a loud metallic clicking sound that echoed for a while inside.

“It's so weird being here with no one else. Like, what do we do here?”

“Every time I come here it is usually to return books to the library or to classrooms. I have never really gone anywhere else.” Peridot shrugs.

They meander around some more, before moving to climb the bleachers and sit at the top. Peridot gazes down at court below and Lapis does too. Though the bluenette’s stare at the court does not last for long, she shifts her gaze to look the blonde. Peridot doesn't notice. Lapis opens her mouth to say something only to get interrupted by Peridot.

“I have a marvelous idea that I have always wanted to try.”

Lapis looks away from Peridot quickly and grips the edge of the bleacher seat tighter. She offers a “What's that?” as a mild blush rushes to her cheeks. The blonde stands up and extends her hand to Lapis to help her up. Lapis takes the hand and stands up, though not wanting to let go of the other. Peridot takes back her hand and makes her way down the bleachers, leaving Lapis for just a second to wonder why they couldn't hold hands.

 _Of course_ Lapis thought. _We’re not a couple, that would seem weird even if there was no one around. Maybe it's not what she wants and that's okay. But why do I always fall harder than I can catch myself?_

Lapis stops thinking and follows Peridot out of the gym. The two continue their gait down a long hallway with classroom doors and lockers lining the sides. Peridot stops in front of the classroom at the end of the hall and pulls out her bunch of keys again. She unlocks the door and runs in towards the teacher’s desk; Lapis walks in but stays near the door. The blonde takes the rolling chair from behind the desk and runs, pushing the chair out of the room. She doesn’t stop running when she leaves the room, in fact she gains speed as she pads back down the hallway with the rolling chair. Midway down the hall she jumps into the chair and rides until she is a speck in the distance to Lapis. The blonde hops off the chair at the end of the hall and throws her hands into the air. Her voice catches along the sides of the hallway as she yells to Lapis.

“LAPIS YOU MUST DO THIS!!”

“What?” The bluenette calls back.

The blonde pushes the chair back to Lapis, though they meet in the middle.

“Lapis you must do this!” She demands. “Hold on, allow me to push you once we get to back to the end of the hall.”

They walk to the end of the hallway, Peridot breathing a little heavier than Lapis. The shorter of the two climbs onto the chair at the blondes command, and Peridot starts running with her hands on the back of the chair. At some point she stops running and Lapis goes speeding off down the hall. They do this a few more times, pulling off different stunts, and alternating who pushes and who gets to ride until Lapis gets tired. The bluenette huffs as she pushes back the chair to Peridot, her palms were sweaty and her eyes drooped slightly to show just how tired she was. Peridot on the other hand- being a track runner- was fine, breathing heavily but had yet to break a sweat. She offered Lapis a ride, that she would push her around the school on the rolling chair. Lapis gladly accepted and plopped lazily onto the chair. Peridot closed the door to the classroom, taking her keys from the lock, and started their journey.

They found themselves next inside the library. Lapis had wheeled in with the help of Peridot and they roamed between the shelves. They plucked out books they deemed interesting and Peridot placed them back whereas Lapis did not. She has a stack growing in her lap that piled higher with each passing of a shelf. After collecting roughly 15 books, Peridot stops walking.

“Lapis, you really should put those back. You cannot check all of them out.”

“I know I can't check any of them out. But they all look so nice and I told you that I’ve read almost all of the ones on my bookshelf. Why can’t I just take them?”

“No no no! Do not take books from the library! I can check them out for you but you cannot have them all.”

“Oh, the systems work?” Lapis asks confused.

“You honestly think they would shut them down? It takes so long for them to start up; they only shut them down during summer! Which ones do you want the most?”

Lapis studies her stack, taking off the first two and then another three. She sets them all back in her lap and states “All of them.” Peridot sighs and pushes the chair forward towards the main desk. She mumbles something as she goes around it and moves the computer mouse. The screen lights up and she types in a few obscure things that Lapis can't make out. She moves the mouse of the second computer and types something onto that as well. Soon after, Peridot makes a hand gesture to signal for Lapis to hand her the stack- which she gladly does. Peridot scans the first one and hands it back to the girl.

“You need to read that one first, it is on your account and I do not want you getting fees.”

“Oh, thanks Peridot. What about the others?”

“Do not worry about them. I am putting the rest on different accounts of those people I do not necessarily like. So you can be late with those all you want.” She scans another book.

“That’s cool.” She pauses. “Wait, how can you access their accounts to check my books out?

“Well Lapis, after spending enough time forming enemies, I have learned everything about them so I can backstab them later on in life. Also I have the page of school ID’s open on this computer. I may or may not have hacked the system.”

“You are by far, THE coolest nerd I know of.”  Lapis smiles and Peridot does the same.

They check out the books, Peridot putting more novels on the accounts of the people she despises and leaving it at that. She turns off the computer, erasing their traces. Lapis piles the books back onto her lap and awaits Peridot to push her around some more- which she does. They exit the library, Lapis careful not to lets any of her books fall. They find themselves in the cafeteria. The tables are folded up and placed to line the walls of the eatery and a chain-like gate sections off the lunch line. The room echoes more than the gym did, and of all places, this is by far the most serene.

“It’s so weird to not have anyone here. I don’t think I’ve seen this place empty before. They host the school dances in here right?”

“I would imagine so, either here or the gym. I would not know though.” Peridot stops pushing the chair and Lapis takes the books off her lap to stand up.

“Right, you don’t go to school dances. You should though; they’re really lame and fun.”

“I do not see how something can be lame _and_ fun.”

“I’m lame and fun.”

Peridot doesn’t say anything. She walks one of the folded tables closer to the gated off lunch line and attempts to push it down, all to no avail. The blonde decides to sit by it instead. Lapis follows suit. The minute Lapis sits herself next to Peridot, the blonde speaks.

“Why did you not tell me earlier? I thought you trusted me.”

Lapis pauses before giving out a slow response.

“I did, but it’s something you have to realize that I don’t want anyone to know about. Why do you think I’ve been hiding it all this time?”

“Well I do not see why you would have to hide it from me.”

“Peridot,” Lapis makes eye contact with the other. “Think about my situation. I have torn up my body in an act to leave this Earth. How can I possibly explain that to anyone without them questioning my mental state?”

“Do you not want help?”

“I just want people to leave my mental state alone. I’m just fine.”

“Lapis, you are not fine. You need to get help.”

“I don’t want you to tell anyone, I trust you of all people to not tell a soul.”

“I have no one to tell, I want you to trust me-“

“I DO TRUST YOU! I don’t trust a lot of people, but I feel like now you have my _full_ trust. Don’t make me change my mind!” The bluenette yells. Lapis smacks her hands on the ground in a show of frustration. Peridot flinches before hesitantly continuing.

“I want you to trust me… because I feel like I have a large amount of trust _in you_. You’re the only one that I think I can fully trust.”

“Glad it’s mutual.” Lapis smirks.

“I will not tell anyone about what you showed me, but if it gets out of hand, then I will speak up. I do not want you to hurt yourself anymore because I really care about you and your wellbeing. Please understand that at least.”

“So what are you gonna do… check me out every day to see if I do anything?” Lapis jokes.

“If I have to, then I will.” Peridot states in a serious tone, she places her hand lightly atop the others.

“You don’t have to do that; I was kidding.”

Peridot huffs and opens her mouth as if to say something, but shuts it almost instantaneously. She looks away from Lapis and focuses her sight on the rolling chair that remains immobile next to the stack of books across the room. The grip on Lapis’ hand tightens, her fingers wrapping themselves under her palms. Lapis sighs and squeezes the blondes hand back just as tenderly before standing up. The bluenette motions for Peridot to follow her; her intentions were to leave now. Lapis puts her stack of books on the seat of the chair and begins pushing it, Peridot close by her side.

They get back to the classroom and return the chair as if the whole ordeal never happened. Lapis struggles to carry the armload of novels, the few at the top slide off if she shifts her weight wrong. After dropping the books a consecutive 10 times, she asks Peridot to just carry the ones that fall. The blonde asks how they can possibly make it home with all of these books. Even if they could split the load evenly enough, they would look very suspicious with that many novels in hand after leaving school property. Lapis suggests that they take them to her house anyways and she can return them one at a time. Which, although that would have been a good plan, crossing the main road is unavoidable. And when you are carrying that many books after leaving a school campus, looking like a book thief is also unavoidable.

Another idea they thought of was going to get Peridot’s car and using it to transport the books to a homely destination, though that did not work either. Lapis was afraid to be alone in an empty school whilst Peridot would leave to get her car, and the bluenette refused to abandon her new reads; they were at a total standstill. Peridot finally came up with the idea of putting them in one of the unused school lockers. Since many students did not have time between classes to visit their lockers, many of them went unused so it would really be no problem to use one. Plus, it would solve the issue of having to take the books home. Rather than carrying them all at once, she could store the unread ones in the locker and bring home the individuals that she wanted to read. The plan was perfect!

Peridot used her keys to open the door to the main office. She stepped behind the front desk and flipped through many books and binders to find the one that had all written locker combinations that would normally be distributed if one purchased a locker. She took a combination and put everything back into place, locking the door as they left to find their new storage space. It was a top locker in the hallway that conveniently shared their last classes of the day. Its position was utterly perfect and the combination was easy to remember. 18-Lapis’ age; 35- Their ages combined; and 4- which carried no significance that either of them could find, but the number was simple enough. The small door is unlocked easily, and Lapis is able to stuff in her novels. She takes just one before the door shuts and is locked.

As the two walk away, they agree that the locker should serve as both storage and a meeting place. With the events to come, this will be more convenient for both of them. Peridot says that they should do dumb stuff like this more often, Lapis agrees and states that they will do this again. They walk the wooded trail home, and continue their winter break as inseparable partners; the bond between them growing evermore strong and ardent.


	9. Where We Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ THIS IF YOU ARE NOT CONCERNED WITH MY ABSENCE. THOUGH I DO ASK THAT ALL READERS GLANCE OVER #3 BEFORE CONTINUING
> 
> I have a little explaining to do:  
> 1\. I am dearly sorry for not updating regularly or often.. I know it has been over four months since my last update but I hope you understand that I'm going through a lot. With recent stressors building up it was hard to find time to write, let alone do anything. I'm not going to go into detail but at the time I was concerned for my health and general safety but I promise I am alright.  
> 2\. No, I still will not be able to update regularly. It is beyond my power to stick to a deadline when so much is still happening around me. Though I can only promise more frequent updates that will be MUCH sooner than four months time passing between chapters.  
> ***3. I want to clear the air here and say that I began writing this when limb enhancer Peridot existed and I used that characteristic to make Peridot taller than Lapis. I realize that canonically that is no longer true, but to keep consistency with my story PERIDOT IS THE TALLER ONE.***  
> 4\. Fun fact of the day: This chapter is 2.5 times longer than my normal chapters because I first, had a lot to cover and second, I figure I have to make it up to my fans (If I have fans) for not updating in a long time.  
> 5\. Another fun fact of the day: Today is my eight month anniversary with my significant other (marking the longest relationship I have ever had).  
> 6\. If you have any questions or concerns with anything regarding me or my story, please contact me via tumblr: @Inamorata-Universe
> 
> Now with that out of the way, ENJOY!!

“Do not forget to meet me this time, okay?” Peridot smiles. Class had already started up again and spring was just around the corner. The shorter of the two quickens her pace and loosens the straps of her backpack. They cross the main road now side-by-side. The day was exceptionally cold; Peridot wore a thick, puffy coat that had fluff lining the rim of her hood, and Lapis wore a similar jacket- one that was originally Peridot’s. They go their separate ways upon entering the building, Peridot heading to class and Lapis stopping by the front office to pick up some flyers about the school swim team that starts up in the spring. The flyer says that the team would meet every Tuesday after school starting sometime in late February; Lapis smiles when she reads the page because she knows that Peridot’s track meets will coincide, meaning that Lapis will now have an actual reason to stay after school with her.

She thinks to herself how great it would be to meet after school in the locker room, changing and then going home with each other versus all the times she had to stay under the bleachers after school in fear of being ridiculed by the strict track coach. Peridot felt bad for Lapis, because in truth, she didn’t _have_ to stay after school at all. She knew that Lapis only stayed for her, and she would sometimes ask the girl if she could just walk home instead of staying after because it was frigid outside, especially under the bleachers where there was no sunlight. Lapis unwillingly agreed most times.

But this time it would be different. Lapis would now have every reason to stay after school because swimming was something she enjoyed. Though, she never knew the school had a pool until just a few days ago when she and Peridot were making their rounds about the school campus on Saturday. The two visited because Lapis just _had_ to get another book. The pool was walled off and there was only one door located behind the school that led into it. Not many people knew what that room was, or if it was a room at all. To most, it was simply just an extended wall space that separated the gym from the choir room. But Peridot being the expert on all things school related knew exactly what it was, though she lacked the key and could not show Lapis at the time.

There were a few minutes before the bell would ring, so Lapis took it upon herself to quicken her pace to class, only to be stopped short by a mass of drug loving teens that she had no intentions of meeting with. Sugilite’s eyes meet hers. Lapis panics and darts into the nearest restroom to avoid the rest of them from seeing her. Though she knew nothing would probably happen to her since they were in the school building and they have no actual reason to gang up on her, she still didn’t like being around Jasper and her friends. She only prayed that she ran into the right restroom. Her back clung to the wall of the bathroom stall she placed herself in, her breathing patterns slow here.

 _Great,_ Lapis thinks. _Again with hiding and again with the fucking bathroom stalls. I shouldn’t be doing this. I have no reason to be doing this. I should go, this was so stupid, and what was I even thinking?_ She pushes herself off the wall but has yet to gain the motivation to leave the comfort of seclusion. She eyes the words on the walls that others have written. _Well at least I know I’m in the girls’ restroom._

The door to the restroom opens and closes, heavy footsteps echo on the tile floor. Lapis freezes and weighs her options. There is a high chance that it is not one of Jasper’s friends who has just walked in, and it should be no problem to simply leave the stall and go to class. By now, her friends have most likely already left the area that they were in too. But there is a small chance that it is one of Jasper’s friends. Lapis deducts that if it is one of Jasper’s friends, then she has nothing to worry about because they will not bother her- she hopes. The stall door unlatches and Lapis steps out and instantly regrets it. Right in front of her at the sink stands Jasper herself. Lapis quietly walks over to the sink farthest from Jasper to wash her hands. She rolls up her sleeves and starts the water just as the bell rings.   
  
“Dammit.” Lapis says under her breath, she washes her hands furiously under the water. Jasper looks over and stops whatever she was doing.

“Hey kid, you got nothing to worry about. You’re with my bud Dotty, right?” She waits for an answer but Lapis only nods. “You’re smart, so teachers will let you off the hook if you’re a little late. Doesn’t really work that way for me anymore.”

Lapis glances over, though not moving her head. She notes that Jasper looks almost sad, but that could just be because Lapis has terrible peripheral vision and can hardly see Jasper let alone her expressions. There is a silence that the bluenette refuses to fill with her own voice, but Jasper pays no heed to the quietness of the room and she does not avert from the girl either.

“Cat scratches?”

This catches Lapis’ attention. She turns her head to look at Jasper who is making a gesture towards her. The girl looks back down again to see her exposed wrists in the sink. She nervously pulls down her sleeves a bit and lightly shakes the water from her hands. As Lapis moves to the paper towel dispenser Jasper continues.

“Hey, so uhh, how is Peridot?”         

“Fine.”

“Good.” Jasper pauses. “She doesn’t hate me right? We still friends?”

“Why don’t you ask her?” Lapis pulls out paper towels, and dries her hands quickly.

“I can’t exactly do that. If she hates me, she won’t talk to me. And if we’re still friends you won’t like that.”

Lapis stops. “Me?”

“Yeah you! I know you had something to do with the way she acts; I know how she feels about you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Listen. Dotty has been bad with peer pressure ever since I met her. She doesn’t really make her own decisions. Now she suddenly doesn’t wanna be ‘round me anymore because of you. Kinda sucks but I still hope we’re friends after all this.”

“Why do you care? Did you not just use her for your drugs?”

“Fuck, is that what you think?! Yeah I had her hold ‘em sometimes but I never once pushed her to do any and I never took her money to buy either. She’s the only person I trust and she’s my closest friend.”

“I don’t believe that. What about Sugilite and Malachite? You treat them like closer friends than I have ever seen you treat Peridot.” Lapis states firmly.

“No no, they’re not friends. They’re just my suppliers and I only keep them close so that I can get a few deals and favors. They only like me because I’m their biggest buyer. But they don’t know me like Dotty.”

“So if she is your friend, why don’t you treat her better?”

“Heh, caught me there. I have an image I have to keep up. I know that makes me seem like a huge shitface, but if you knew the things Dotty knows, you’d understand.”

“So tell me.” Lapis stands her ground. Jasper agrees to continue, but she’d rather they did so in a more private place; Lapis agrees to leave campus so long as she doesn’t get in trouble and she’ll be back in time to sit with Peridot at lunch. And so the two escape.

 ********************

The bluenette squirms in her seat, the belt across her chest and waist growing ever more uncomfortable. The silence in the vehicle and the fact that Jasper never said where she was taking them, only added to her vexation. The windows were down and Jasper was smoking a cigarette, her silver hair brushed by the open air. Lapis pulled down the sun visor in an act to shield the Hell that was the distant burning star. Two pieces of paper flutter down from the visor and almost of out the window had Lapis not caught them before the breeze. One was a list of things for Jaspers car like new windshield, oil change, and there were many stars around new brake pads. And the other was a list of what the bluenette assumed was money that Jasper owed to people. There were quite a few familiar names on this list, each with a number value next to them. Peridot’s name was the only one without a number next to it.

The car stops abruptly. Lapis jumps in her seat and clutches the center console and side door for dear life. Jasper puts the car in park and jumps out. Lapis is left to discover that she is in fact unharmed and safe at the community park. She quickly rights herself and gets out of the car to follow Jasper. Shaking her head, she thinks: _Everything is fine. Everything is just fine. There’s nothing to be afraid of._ Jasper takes a seat at the base of a pole used to prop up the swing sets and Lapis seats herself on a swing. Young children scream, jump, and dash around them as parents watch from afar. As to why Jasper chose this particular place, Lapis won’t ask- nor does she have time to because Jasper jumps straight to the topic at hand.

“Peridot and I have been friends since I was their age.” She motions to the children, one falling but immediately laughing it off before chasing back after their friends. “Back then I wasn’t as tough as you’d think, and it was easier for her to get to know me ya know. We hung out every day that my parents would let us. Dotty’s parents weren’t around much so we had her over most of the time. She really got to see what my home life was like- strict parents, abusive siblin’s, and she saw how quickly I turned to substance abuse. I-I know it wasn’t like me, and she saw that too. I told her countless times that I’d stop but I never would and she always put up with me. She’s always just put up with me. It leads me to think that sometimes we aren’t friends and that I _really am_ just using her. But I don’t want to think like that ‘cause she means a lot to me- she was there when everything turned to shit and she still wanted to stick around. Dotty has seen that in order for me to handle my own situations, I got to be tough. She told me I could fight my enemies and that’s just the image I kept for myself. If anyone knew it was just some mask or false front I give off, everyone would come back to hurt me worse. So I can’t let that falter even once; not even if it meant ignoring or sometimes hurting Dotty.”

Lapis was stunned. It made perfect sense, but she still couldn’t quite put the entire picture together. So much was missing from her story, but she told just enough to get her point across. It’s all just fake; Jasper is living a façade, though Lapis has her doubts about the story. It is completely believable that the high school bully only does what she does because of a rough past as a previous victim. But the bluenette was raised to believe that an oppressor gains something from their wrong doings- whether it’s a reaction or physical reward. So what is Jasper gaining by telling her how fake everything is, when she’s kept this a secret from so many for so long?

“Why?” Lapis mumbles.

“Why what? Why’d I tell ya this?”

“Yeah.” Lapis nods and looks at the platinum haired girl.

“Lotta reasons really.” She combs her fingers through her wild hair. “Her of course, trust, understanding, friendship… stuff like that.”

“Friendship with me, really?”

“Well yeah, you’re Dotty’s new interest. And to stay on her good side, I can’t shun you. You mean more than you know to her, and if I didn’t like ya then it’d be real hard to get her to like me again.”

“What do you mean? You’re saying that if we aren’t friends that you and Peridot can’t be friends?”

“Yep.” She grunts and pulls out a lighter from her front jean pocket. She takes a cigarette from the pocket in her shirt and lights the end of it.

“Well, you’re probably not wrong. And what’s with the ‘you mean more than you know’ kind of stuff?”

Jasper shrugs and puffs out smoke. “She just really likes you is all.”

“Like, _like-like_ ’s me?” Lapis pauses and blushes furiously. “Not to sound elementary of course! I just-”

“I know what ya meant, but I don’t really know that much.”

“Is she gay?” Lapis blurts.

At this, Jasper practically spits out her cigarette and proceeds to let out a booming, raspy laugh. Her heavy cackling draws the attention of the parents sitting nearby as well as it draws more bright red to Lapis’ cheeks. She covers her face with the sleeves of her sweatshirt but it cannot hide the embarrassment that radiates off of her as Jasper howls with laughter. Its takes a minute for Jasper to calm herself before lapis can unhide her face.

“Heh, you know… I’m pretty sure she is.”

“Wait what really?!” Lapis perks up.

“Well, what guy would like a nerd like her?” Jasper clears her throat and imitates Peridot: “I am sorry baby, I cannot ‘Netflix and chill’ with you because movies will distract me from my calculus studies and I might get a brain freeze if the room is too chilly.” Jasper starts laughing again.

“But has she ever been with a girl?”

“Oh fuck no! She’s never dated a single person in the entire time I’ve known her. So unless she literally cradle robbed as a baby, I don’t think she’s even liked anyone before.”

Lapis just nods, not knowing what to do with this information. As a change of subject, Lapis asks if this is where she and Peridot first met. Jasper tells Lapis that the two first met at a different park that’s much closer to their houses. That Peridot was counting woodchips under the slide in some weird outfit combination that she had clearly picked for herself. Jasper ran under the slide to hide from her older brother during a game of freeze tag, only to be tagged right as she ducked under and into Peridot. Jasper promptly apologized and watched as the other counted meticulously. After a while, Jasper even helped the girl after never being tagged again by a different sibling. The game went on around them as the two became friends. And 5,081 woodchips later, they deducted that there were too many woodchips to count and gave up and talked the rest of the day instead.

Lapis tells Jasper about the time that Peridot first came over to her house. She noted how the blonde was incredibly fascinated with the amount of greenery in her room because she had said and Lapis quotes: ‘I’ve never seen so much green in one room, and I’m a bit jealous.’ The bluenette described the other as having a wide eyed and childlike expression when she first saw her room. It was crazy to find out that Peridot had never been in a room other than her own and Jasper’s which both were similar in a black and white color scheme- but cute nonetheless to Lapis.

The two continued sharing stories about their nerdy companion and bonding over how much they admired her. They also exchanged stories about themselves and found similar interests and grew much closer than either of the two ever planned to be. Yet time passed extremely fast before a panic set in- it was past 1 and school would be over in less than three hours. Lapis had already missed out on having lunch with Peridot and it was most likely too late for her to go back to classes. She was marked absent for the day without question. A phone call from the school letting her parents know that she was absent must have taken place, which would explain the 6 missed calls on Lapis’ phone. Jasper drives them both back to school safely as the other gets ridiculed by her parents over the phone. Lapis tells the truth about where she was and gets off scoff free- for the most part.

********************

“Lapis Lazuli, where were you? I was looking all over the cafeteria for you and you did not meet me at my locker afterwards. I was so worried. I check the bathrooms and everything! I could not eat an ounce until I found you and… you have a lot of explaining to do. I thought we talked about this before school and-“ Peridot rambles. The bell had just rung and the blonde rushed outside frantically in search of her friend. Upon finding her, she is both visibly relieved and concerned.

“I’m so sorry Peridot, I was distracted and I knew I didn’t have work in my classes and Jasper wanted to talk so we-“

“JASPER?! I am utterly shocked at how easily I am replaced. But by the likes of her? This is blasphemy and you have some _real_ explaining to do now.” The taller one taps her foot, undoubtedly distressed.

“I know it sounds weird, but we actually had a good talk. It was mostly about you and I found out that we have something in common, the whole thing about having to hide our skin and certain addictions we have. For very different reasons of course, but I’m glad to know someone who understands that.”

“I am glad, but you promised to meet me and now I am famished. By the sound of it you did not have lunch either?”

“Nope.”

Peridot sighs and casually grabs the others hand and begins walking away from the school building. Lapis stumbles at first, not expecting to hold hands or be dragged by the blonde.

“Where are we going?” Lapis grips onto Peridot’s hand tighter.

“Your house. Your parents called me during class and you are lucky that my ringer was off; otherwise I may have gotten in trouble. Your father said that he would make us grilled cheese sandwiches upon arrival.”

“He didn’t tell me that.” Lapis mumbles.

The two arrive at Lapis’ house shortly after school still hand in hand. When the door opens before them, the bluenette is quick to separate their hands in fear that her father might start heckling her about having a “girlfriend”. Even though the two are not in a relationship more intimate than friends, Lapis is openly gay to her parents but to no one else. She’s worried that her parents might start asking questions that would scare Peridot away or at least freak her out. Peridot is oblivious to all of this, and simply enjoys hand holding because she thinks it’s a “friend thing” that most people do.

They enter the house and Peridot was correct. On the table in the dining room lay four grilled cheese sandwiches, two atop each platter for them along with a bag of chips. Lapis and Peridot chowed down immediately, only pausing to acknowledge Lapis’ father who walked in. He asked if they like the sandwiches, and they nod aggressively in unison. He then asks about Peridot’s day since he already knows about his daughter’s. The blonde gives a basic description of her day and expresses her disappointment in not getting to see Lapis for the majority of it. Her father gives permission for Peridot to stay the night, even though it is a school night.

After they eat, the walk down the street to Peridot’s house is far from quiet. Lapis is jumping and dancing around excitedly, singing references from a funny video that the two watched some time ago. Peridot sings along between bursts of giggles. At one point Peridot actually crouches to the ground and grips her stomach, unable to control her laughter. Lapis offers to pick her up and carry her all the rest of the way to her house but Peridot waves her off. Lapis insists and so she agrees to get carried into her house via piggyback ride. The shorter of the two twists the doorknob to Peridot’s house, this movement allows the blonde to slip. In a panic, she wraps her arms around Lapis’ face and aggressively leans forward as the door opens. They topple in laughing hysterically as they hit the hardwood floors. Thankfully her parents are out for the evening and the two were virtually uninjured.

Peridot limps up the stairs, Lapis following after her asking if she is alright. The two collaboratively pack up an overnight bag for the night, Lapis throwing in snacks she took from the pantry downstairs and Peridot packing the necessities in a neat fashion. On the way out, Peridot leaves a note on her bar counter of the kitchen. It reads: Mother and father, tonight I will be sleeping at the Lazuli residence at [address]. I am bringing my phone in case of an emergency. I will be walking to school as normal from her house in the morning. If you have any concerns, please contact me. Enjoy your night out. -Your one and only daughter, Peridot.

Lapis reads over the other’s shoulder as she writes.

“Do you always leave such heartfelt messages for your loved ones?” She asks sarcastically.

Peridot just smiles at her and laughs lightly. Lapis knows that she doesn’t really like her parents and wishes they were more prominent in her life. This is her way of showing affection; the fact that she even wrote a note to let them know where she is. Her parents seem to show even less. Lapis has seen the way they interact- Peridot will ask a question and they will never acknowledge her. They never cook or clean and expect Peridot to do it all. When something is not done right or not done at all, then they will speak up. But typically they try to stay out of her way just as much as she stays out of theirs.

Lapis and Peridot walk back to Lapis’ house once everything is packed. The taller of the two collapses on the other’s bed immediately once the bedroom door behind them comes to a full close. Lapis also jumps onto her bed beside Peridot but then rights herself to sit cross-legged.

“So, Peridot, truth or dare?”

“Hmm...” Peridot lifts her face from the bed. “Truth.”

“Have you ever been to a concert?”

“No. I have only recently chosen to listen to music for fun- thanks to you. I would not mind going to one someday though.” Lapis nods. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Have you ever gone stargazing?”

“I can’t say that I have. I went camping once with my family and we looked for constellations, does that count?”

“More or less… Your turn.”

“Okay, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Uhh” Lapis takes a minute to think. Like most games of ‘truth or dare’, it takes a couple of minutes to think of proper, unique, and exciting truths and/or dares. No realistic game of truth or dare would be complete without some moment of faltering and quick thinking to come up with something good to present to the other person partaking in said game. “Do you have a crush, if so- who?”

“Lapis.” She pauses, and the bluenette perks up. “I am almost positive that you know I have never dated anyone.”

“No no, crush as in like who you would want to date if you got the chance to date them. So who would you want to date?”

Peridot thinks and Lapis’ confidence wavers. “That information is confidential.”

“What? Why?”

“I presume you would not want to share that information with me either, had I asked you the same question?”

“Well uhh… yeah you’re right. Sorry for pressuring you.”

There is an awkward silence between the two. They don’t look at each other but they’re thinking the same thing: _Oh gosh I hope she does NOT figure it out._ After another moment, Lapis’ phone breaks the silence. She hops off the bed to go answer it- and its Jasper. She asks Lapis if she wants to go to a party this Saturday with her and a couple of friends. Lapis looks nervous, not wanting to say yes but not wanting to disappoint her. Peridot pipes up and asks what Jasper is saying, recognizing the tone of her voice from across the room. She tells the blonde exactly what she heard and Peridot wonders if she could come to the party as well. Jasper takes a minute to think before saying: ‘sure, why not?’ And with that, Lapis agrees to go and asks if the three of them could hang out before then- to which Jasper says: ‘Oh hell yes!’ Lapis hangs up.

Peridot sits up and crosses her legs on the bed when Lapis returns. She tells the other to text Jasper that they will be late to the party when it does happen. When asked why, she states:

“I have my first track competition this weekend; it is the senior competition and every senior in track and field will be competing here. It is kind of a big deal and I absolutely cannot miss it.”

“Oh wow! Yeah I can text her about it, I wouldn’t want you to miss that.” Lapis types up a message to Jasper immediately.

“Thank you Lapis, and I was actually wondering if you are in fact doing anything this weekend. Maybe you would like to attend my competition and cheer me on?”

Lapis looks up from her tiny glowing screen and smiles with bright eyes. She nods and offers a: “Yes of course I will! I would love to!” And she leans in to hug Peridot and wraps her arms around the Peridot before she can begin to process that a hug is taking place. Lapis pulls back awkwardly, after not having received a hug from the other. She mumbles what seems like an apology but Peridot pays no mind.

“So Lapis… truth or dare?”

“Dare.” She mumbles more loudly.

“Alright, I dare you to let me give you a proper hug.”

********************

Lapis and Peridot continue to play truth or dare for a good portion leading into the night. Peridot daring the other to put ice cubes in her bra, lather her hair with whipped cream, drink orange juice from the carton, and build a blanket fort for the two of them. Lapis on the other hand, had dared Peridot to drink a mixture of every liquid in the house- including some alcohol that Peridot unwillingly agreed to mix in, paint her fingernails by using her feet, and climb onto the neighbors roof without pants on when it got dark enough outside. It was easy to say that they had quite a riveting night.

The game ended at 4:17am when Lapis declared that this be the final round. She dared Peridot to take a bubble bath with her and it was optional to have clothes on or off and she wouldn’t look if she chose the absence of clothes. With little to no thought, Peridot immediately chose clothes off because, as she put it: “It is not a true dare if it is not out of your comfort level, even in the slightest”. But Lapis had to swear that she would not look. The bluenette started the water in her bathroom and added ounces upon ounces of soap to make the perfect bubble bath. Peridot came into the bathroom in her underwear and crossed her arms, waiting for the bath to be ready. When the tub was filled over the top with bubbles, Lapis turned off the water and undressed down to her underwear. The two stood there for a minute not quite knowing what to do next before Lapis offered that they both turn away from each other, strip to nothing, and then get in and only look when the other has given the ‘okay’. That’s exactly what they did. Lapis kept to her word about not looking and Peridot knew this because she never once saw her turn her head or move her eyes- she would know, because she was looking.

To the blonde, the act of peeking was harmless on her part. She was nervous about the other looking and had to make sure for herself that it wouldn’t happen. Never did she think much of the act, she only thought of Lapis. She thought of how lean and upright Lapis’ body was, and how statuesque it was the way she stood there without thinking that the other would look at her. So beautiful and innocent she seemed, and how mortified she would be if she ever found out that Peridot was a hypocrite.

After the ‘okay’ was given, their eyes meet from across the tub, and smiles that seemed to say _I can believe I am doing this_ erupted from their cheeks. Bubbles covered anything lewd and the silence that enveloped them was surprisingly comfortable. They talked for a bit about what was to come of next week. Wednesday was the day agreed upon to hang out with Jasper and Saturday night after the party they would come home to Peridot’s house for another sleepover. The two also made plans of their own that they didn’t tell the other about, but that’s how it was meant to be.

Everything was in its place. Everything was perfect. Although Peridot and Lapis knew that they would get two hours of sleep at most to get them through the next day at school, there was no doubt that tonight would ever be a regret.


	10. It's The Little Things

The alarm was louder than usual when waking Peridot up. Arms lift into the air and stretch before falling back onto the bed and an annoyed groan passes from her lips. She rolls over to wake up Lapis but finds an empty space where she should be. In a panic, she sits up and looks around for the other. The room seems to spin around her even when she is not moving her head, and it takes a while for her to register that she is in not in her own room. She calls out to the bluenette as a search begins for the snooze button on the alarm or anything just to get it to shut off. Her head is pounding and limbs shakier than usual. The door to the bathroom opens and Lapis walks out in just an oversized T-shirt. She presses a button on top of the alarm and starts to walk away, but the alarm keeps blaring. Lapis turns back around confused and presses it again and again until finally unplugging it out of frustration. Her dreary eyes meet those of Peridot as she offers a quick apology.

Getting ready was the hardest part of this morning besides having to fight persistent sleep. By the looks of it, Lapis had not gone to sleep after the bubble bath. The telltale sign was not the dark circles that lay under her eyes, nor was it her inability to use proper sentence structure or real words, but it was when they were getting dressed and she called Peridot, Dotty. The blonde froze when that name was spoken; the second clasp of her bra remained unhooked for just a moment before she hesitantly continued. Lapis had no idea she did anything wrong.

Breakfast was silent and the walk to school was no different. Peridot thought about bringing up what Lapis had called her, but found the absence of words to be more suitable for the situation. The two are exhausted, and Peridot being a lightweight when it comes to alcohol, only made her condition worse. They go to class like normal and put on an awake and present façade that most certainly doesn’t last through the day. Though the blonde dreaded going to this particular track meet after school, she knew that she could not miss it for the world. This weekend was the competition she looked so forward to now that she is a senior. Missing this meet would put her at a disadvantage, and that is something Peridot could not tolerate. She told Lapis not to wait for her during the track event after school and made sure that she got a ride home with her mom.

Peridot persevered through the meet, running her heart out and ignoring the pain of her twisted ankle she got the night before. _I will put ice on it when I get home, and then viola! No hurt ankle and no losing the competition._ She thought to herself. After the meeting was over, she limped her way home on a phone call with Lapis. The bluenette insisted that she or her mom give her a ride home after hearing that her ankle was in bad shape. Peridot denied each offer, expressing that she did not want someone with no license to drive her home, or to trouble someone else’s mother to drive her home. She made it back to her house safely and immediately put a bag of ice on her ankle and a pillow underneath her head. She fell asleep to the thought of winning both the competition and a certain someone’s heart.

********************

The new day was overcast but soon to clear; Wednesday. Although Peridot was a bit early waking up today, she had gotten some rest that she desperately needed. There was an hour before the alarm would wake her up but that didn’t matter. She used her time wisely to go for an early morning run alone. The stairs beneath her feet squeaked lightly as she went down them, careful not to wake her parents. Her sneakers padded down to the main street before she started to run, and run she did. Dew filled her nostrils and if she had glasses, they would be shrouded in fog; the empty air around her was thick and motionless.

She glided through it with ease, her thoughts anywhere but the road ahead. Her mind raced through images of giving it her all on the curve of the track, just before the finish line and of slicing the ribbon with her own body before anyone else had the chance to touch it. She thought of her coach running onto the track and celebrating her victory. She thought of Lapis in the stands throwing her hands into the air along with the rest of the enthused crowd. She thought of the bluenette fighting out of the madness to come down and wrap her arms around her and dancing as she did so. The night would be perfect and no other night could be so perfect regardless of how right or wrong everything turned out to be.

Peridot slows to a stop at the edge of the neighborhood. Having reached a dead end, she stops just after the ‘no outlet’ street sign. A low, old wooden fence cuts off the street from the trees and shrubs beyond. If time weren’t running out before she had to get home to clean up and prepare for the school day, she’d step over the fence and meander through the trees to continue her run, anything to give her distance from her mindless and insensitive parents. But seeing as there was only 20 minutes before she would have to walk to school, Peridot took it upon herself to jog back home.

Walking into English is when Peridot realizes that she had forgotten to walk to school with Lapis. _How?! How could I have forgotten her?_ She thinks to herself, panicked as she doesn’t see the other in class yet. _What was I thinking, walking away from the house without once considering that I was missing something- her._

The bell rings and neither Jasper or Lapis had made it to class. Peridot had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right, or maybe that they were hanging out together again. What other reason would there be for both of them to be absent on the same day? While yes, the two each had a far from perfect attendance record, it seemed less than coincidental that both would refrain from going to class on a day such as this one. Ms. Diamond gathers the students’ attention as she writes on the board. The assignment for today would be partner based; to collaboratively make a poster to “advertise” one of the books they had read during that semester and include certain details about it. It would be due at the end of the period and each group would present their poster the following day. The blondes’ eyes linger on the words ‘partner based’ and she sighs. It’s not like she wasn’t going to do all of the work anyways, but having the opportunity to work and talk with someone like Lapis, or Jasper for that matter would have been better.

At lunch, Peridot considers eating with her books in the restrooms again but decides against it when Lapis plops down her tray beside her. The bluenette sits down without a word exchanged and begins eating. The blonde catches herself staring in a mixture of confusion, contempt, and adoration towards the other. A blush erupts on her pale cheeks. She opens her mouth to ask where Lapis had just come from, but gets interrupted by a burly hand whacking the back of her head, causing her to lose all focus and practically slam face first into her splayed textbook.

“’Sup Dotty?” Jasper takes a seat on the other side of Peridot, propping her elbow on the table and smirking.

The blonde looks to Lapis again, blushing furiously and searching her face for answers. Lapis just smiles and continues eating.

“Excuse me, but what are you two doing here? The two of you did not attend class this morning and suddenly you are both here?” She turns to Jasper. “Jasper you do not have this lunch period. I am concerned about your course skipping habits. What is going on?”

“Eh, nothing. The two of us just took some time out of school to talk.” Jasper answers.

“Talk… you and Lapis spent the past few hours talking? You can talk during school you know; I do not condone the action of passing notes but it is a better option than skipping valuable learning hours!”

“It was necessary to talk outta school. Lapis said so.”

Peridot throws a glare in Lapis’ direction, to which the bluenette shrugs off.

“So you spent all these hours talking with Jasper but you will not say a thing to me?”

Lapis lightly covers her mouth and states a simple “I’m eating.” In between chews.

“Alright.” Peridot huffs. “So what did the two of you talk about anyways? You seem to be getting along quite well these past few days. The both of you are not smoking correct? I just do not understand what there is to say between you two. Is it about me? Well what else would it be about; _I_ am the only common ground you have. Unless there is more to you both that I do not know. But of course there wouldn’t be! I know you, Jasper, very well. And Lapis, I trust that you would never hide something from me and I do know a lot about you already. More than most at least and-“

“Okay Dotty we get it. You wanna know what we were talking about.”

“Yes, and?”

“Well, I can’t tell ya.” Jasper states.

“Nope! We can’t tell you. Sorry.” Lapis chimes in, offering yet another smile.

“And for what reason? So it is about me! And it must be something bad if you cannot express it.”

“No no, it’s nothing bad. We just can’t tell you.”

Peridot crosses her arms in distaste, and reluctantly drops the subject. She then questions about the activities taking place after school. Not to anyone’s surprise, any sort of plan had yet to be thought of. After discussing ideas for a bit, they all agree to go to Jaspers place immediately after school and grab some snacks before driving downtown to meander about the shops. The last few minutes of the lunch period is spent in silence between Lapis and Peridot when Jasper gets called away to sit with Sugilite and her table of loudmouth crackheads.

********************

Peridot stands, leaning against the flagpole out front with her backpack at her feet and her hands in the pockets of her jeans. Lapis greets the blonde with a wide grin- unaware that just a few months ago in that exact spot she had promised the other that she wouldn’t grin like that because of personal insecurities. Peridot thinks back on this and smiles at her progress. Now together, the blonde signals over to the far corner of the lot. True to her promise, Jasper breaks away from her group of friends when she sees Peridot and Lapis standing by the flagpole.

 The buff girl runs to get her car started and then drives over to pick them up. The girls throw their backpacks in the front seat with Jasper’s bag and take the back seat together. Classic rock music engulfs the vehicle and Lapis sings along happily with Jasper who turns it up louder. Peridot watches Lapis play the air guitar at the solo and Jasper tap the steering wheel to the beat. _It’s strange to think that a moment like this would ever happen._ Peridot thinks. _Where the only two people who care about me in this world are sitting in the same car, joyously immersed in the same music, and preparing to spend time with one another, myself included. I may never get to experience this again- but I am incredibly thankful I get to now._

They get to the house in a moment’s notice; no one is home. Jasper doesn’t have to unlock the door to get in. Peridot and Lapis toss their backpacks by the front door where Jasper threw hers, and they walk straight into the kitchen. Bags of chips, granola bars, protein bars, various candies, flavored drinks, and water bottles are piled onto the countertop. Peridot grabs a reusable shopping bag from the pantry and stuffs the items into it. Jasper runs upstairs to grab her wallet and a pack of cigarettes, leaving the blonde and bluenette to scour the kitchen for any last items they wanted to bring. Lapis puts a package of animal crackers into the bag and Peridot opens up a bottle of water while they wait. After a few minutes, Jasper calls them upstairs to her room.

Peridot hops up the stairs with Lapis following close behind. The blonde pushes open the first door on the left and enters the room. Jasper is rummaging through a dresser drawer. Atop the dresser sits a large terrarium with a corn snake inside, coiled around itself. The room is somewhat clean despite what most might assume, a few stray clothing items strewn here and there, as well as some empty bottles but overall it’s not so bad. It makes Lapis question if Jasper really stays here a lot. Posters litter the walls but the bluenette is able to tell that two of the walls are black and that the others are white. There isn’t much in the room; a futon, dresser, nightstand, and bass guitar hanging on the wall.

“Hey Dotty come ‘ere, I got something to give ya.”

“Is it a weapon? I have told you time and time again that I would carry around your… substances… but never a weapon! Also to be perfectly clear, I will no longer be carrying your substances either.”

“Nah this is like the exact opposite of my shit. And no it’s not a weapon, even _I_ know better.” Jasper turns around with her wallet in hand. She pulls out a ridiculous amount of cash- around five hundred dollars in cash- and hands it to her.

Peridot looks both amazed and skeptical. “What is this?”

“Well you helped me a lot these past few years. I had you hold my shit so I wouldn’t get caught all the time, and I never did anything in return for ya. Well I’m cutting ties with certain people and I’m not doing some of the stuff I did before. You can’t get me to quit smokin’ cigarettes, but I had a _bad_ trip last time around with these pills, so I sold all of those, my Xanax, and my dope. And I wanted to give you something to prove I wasn’t using you all this time.”

The room falls silent.

“Jas, you know I never needed financial compensation. I cannot accept this sum of money- I appreciate the offer though. I knew you were not simply using me.”

“No Dotty, you gotta take this money. You earned it. Plus, if it’s in my hands then I can’t guarantee that I won’t buy some of that shit right back. I mean, there really is no guarantee either way, but at least it’d be a while before I did because I wouldn’t have the money ready. Take it, and I’ll try to quit everything.”

Peridot looks shocked. She looks to Lapis as if she had some part in this, but Lapis looked equally as astounded. That notion is what further proved that Jaspers actions were genuine, as opposed to some façade that she was using to appear generous and kind-hearted. Jasper wasn’t mean, but she wasn’t this nice either. Who knows where she actually got the money; maybe she really did sell it all, cut her ties, and is starting over. No one would ever really ask or find out. Peridot takes the money and doesn’t stop thanking Jasper the whole evening. They all go downstairs and collect their respective bags. Jasper hauls the snack bag into the car and the three of them take off in Jaspers car, heading for the town.

********************

“Lapis…”

“Yeah?”

“What did you and Jasper talk about today? You know, when I was at school and the two of you were-“

“I know what you mean. And like we said- can’t tell.”

Peridot shifts in the blankets, rolling over to face Lapis. The bluenette turns her head to face the other. Peridot studies Lapis’ face like she had done earlier that day, looking at first for answers or a clue to what they had said, before studying the features of her face. The slope of her nose, the bow of her lip, the angle and edge of her jawline. She was- for a lack of better words- stunning. The way her half lidded eyes met with her own that were squinting from the streetlamps light outside the window. And the way that same light danced upon every curve of her body, illuminating everything that was beautiful about her; illuminating her.

The blonde had never been prone to look at someone for more than she needed to for a conversation. Something was different this time. Peridot hoped that the streetlamps would have mercy. That their light would meld with her flushed skin tone and hide the redness that was growing evermore present on her cheeks.

Inches from each other they lay, both oblivious to the others attraction towards one another. Both wanting to close the gap between their lips but too afraid to make the first move, or to jeopardize the bond they have now in fear that the other wouldn’t reciprocate. Peridot blinks a few times, realizing how harsh the light outside had become. Or maybe it was just that she couldn’t think straight and the streetlamps only made concentrating worse. Either way, she becomes visibly displeased.

“Is the light bothering you? I can find something to cover the window with.” Lapis asks, beginning to sit up.

“No, it is fine.”

“Are you sure? It’s really no problem to get a blanket and cover it up.”

“Yes I’m sure. Thank you though.” Peridot assures her. Lapis lays back down and faces her body towards the blonde.

“Did you know why Jasper really gave me that money?”

“No, I have no idea.”

“So you had no part in it?”

“Not at all. You do realize that we have not talked much at all. Today was the first time I had even been in her house.”

“Interesting… Did you like her snake?” Peridot suddenly beams.

“What?”

“Jasper’s snake. It was in the terrarium on the dresser. Did you not adore him?”

“I guess so.” Lapis giggles. “What does her snake have to do with her giving you money though?”

“Nothing! I just really love that snake. He is a corn snake. Jas even let me name him when she first bought him. Of course I was little and I gave him the stupidest name of “Corn Flake” but Jas seemed to love it. Nowadays we simply call him “Flake”, and I think he is the most adorable little yellow snake.”

“I hate to burst your bubble, but that snake was definitely orange. And yeah he was pretty cute for a snake. Are you not like, afraid of reptiles?”

“Of course not! Most reptiles are virtually harmless. They love to cuddle because their blood is cold and I think that is precious.”

“But the snake was orange… didn’t you think?”

“Sure yeah, whatever.”

“Woah there little Miss colorblind, he was definitely orange.”

“Sorry, my mistake. I’m not exactly thinking clearly.” Peridot moves her hand to block the light coming in through the window.

“So the light is bothering you.” Lapis states. But before the taller of the two has time to respond, Lapis is already pulling her closer by the waist. Now their bodies are touching and the light no longer strains her eyes, it’s a win-win. Peridot clamps her eyes shut, this time fearful to look at the other so closely. Afraid she might start staring again, and at this range of closeness there is now way to conceal a blush. Her arms lay straight by her sides, tense and reluctant to wrap themselves around the waist of Lapis.

“Thank you” The blonde whispers.

“No problem Dotty.”

Peridot freezes at that nickname again. Lapis feels this and starts to worry.

“Are you okay?”

“Please, do not call me that.”

“What? Oh, why not?”

“It is her name for me. It feels weird when you say it. Nothing about it sounds right when you say it, and I do not mean that in a bad way. I do not want to associate you with her. Of course I am still Jasper’s friend and all, but you are nothing like her and I intend to keep it that way to the best of my abilities.”

“Oh my stars, I’m sorry. I didn’t know it bothered you like that.” Lapis apologizes, growing disheartened. Peridot flashes her eyes open, directing eye contact with the other. She tenses up even more in realizing just how close they are.

“I-I really do not mean that in a bad way. I promise.” She mutters.

“I know, I know. I’ll just have to think of a different nickname for you is all.” A more hopeful smile curves from her lips.

There is a silence. Lapis thinking up names for Peridot, and Peridot too nervous to fill the silence with her usual rambles. They remain this way for some time, looking into each other’s eyes and occasionally glancing away to relieve the awkwardness. What seems like a half hour passes and by now Peridot has relaxed enough to start drifting off to sleep entangled in Lapis’ arms.  When her eyes finally close, Lapis exclaims that she thought of something. The blonde nearly jumps out of her skin, but urges Lapis to express what she thought of.

“How does the name ‘Peri’ sound?”

Peridot smiles and replies with “It’s perfect.” Not fully registering what she had said, she still accepts it. There would be a conversation about this the next day. Nothing is exchanged after that and the two are able to drift into sleep. Lapis holding onto the other and Peridot leaning into her for both warmth and comfort, so close that their cheekbones press together; a calm before the storm.


	11. Better Chances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Raises glass* Here's to what I hope will be a better year! :)

Burrs and sawgrass nipped at her ankles as she passed through the brush. The crisp morning air filled her nostrils as the dew had not lingered for long. She pushes past trees on a path she had walked on for years, yet never thought it necessary to clear. It was her secret; no one would walk the same path if they so chose to brave the woods that separated her upper middle class neighborhood from the busy road beyond. Peridot took it upon herself to endure the woods every once in a while, and on a morning like today- it was absolutely necessary.

Today was the day that Peridot would participate in running track as a senior representative of her school. This would be her first time entering in a competition like this. Faced against other seniors from schools in the district, Peridot was nervous. This morning she was devout on running an extra ten miles during her daily warmup.

With the woods now behind her, Peridot continues her gait alongside the busy roadway and turns the corner before hastening her pace. The wind whips her face and tugs back her baggy T-shirt. She runs all the way into the urban part of town, and stops at one of the corner stores for a breakfast bagel and water. Peridot sees a few people from school that she knows, but they don’t bat an eye at her. She debates walking up to them for a moment when Pearl actually does make eye contact with her, but makes no further effort than a wave as she leaves- which Pearl chose to ignore.

Peridot doesn’t think anything of it, she is more focused on getting home and resting for a bit. She doesn’t once think about the fool she made of herself when presenting her ‘group project’ alone, or Jasper giving her all that money, or how her parents haven’t said a word to her in over a week, or even her adoration for the bluenette. She thinks about the pain in her ankle that she has been avoiding for all too long, and that is what drives her home.

On the way back to her house, she missteps in a conveniently placed dip in the grass, and is hurled nearly to the ground. Her arms waving spastically in front of her and to her sides to regain balance, which she does without a hint of grace. The blonde looks around for any witnesses to her misfortune as she mutters out a long string of curses that most people had never heard her say. A burning sensation flows its way through her already battered joint. With more curses, she steps forward at a much slower gait. Each step feels like a laceration against her soft tissue and she swears she can hear it ‘pop’ on occasion. Thankfully the pain dies off after another couple miles of walking.

Turning the final corner to the cul-de-sac where her White, Victorian-style house sits, she lets out the biggest sigh of relief when she sees her parent’s cars missing from the driveway.  And it’s only when she is walking the cobblestone path and taking the first steps up to the porch when she sees a certain blue haired girl that makes her beam from ear to ear.

“Good morning sweaty. How far did you run this time?”

“Just to the corner store and back.” Lapis’ eyes widen when she hears this.

“I’m impressed. You don’t look like you ran thirty something miles at all.”

“Yeah? Well it sure feels like it.” She huffs.

The blonde retrieves the key from under the mat and lets herself in. She heads straight for the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and prepare a bag of ice for her ankle. Lapis follows her in and closes the door behind them. The shorter of the two seats herself in a stool at the kitchen bar and watches as Peridot hobbles around to collect what she needs. She offers to help the other but Peridot declines the gesture. The two make their way upstairs although no one was home, it was always just a safe act to hide away in Peridot’s room in case her parents _did_ come home- not that they would care anyways.

Peridot sets the bag of ice on her nightstand before opening the drawer to her dresser and grabbing a fresh pair of clothes. She undresses, too exhausted to remember that Lapis was in the room or to care if she had remembered.  It’s only when she’s hooking a different bra around her chest that she makes eye contact with a red faced Lapis and realizes that maybe she should have turned away from Lapis to put clothes on. The blonde hurriedly slings on underwear and a long-sleeved shirt but stumbles and flails when filling her legs into a pair of leggings, all while trying extremely hard not to look Lapis in the eyes again. She eventually manages to redress herself, standing still unable to look at Lapis. No one has the guts to break the silence that’s growing evermore present between them. Awkward couldn’t begin to describe this moment.

“Peridot,” Lapis begins. “did you have any plans before the race tonight?”

“No.”

“Okay cool.”

More silence.

“D-did you want to do something this afternoon, Lazuli?” The blonde clears her throat.

Lapis smiles and nods.

“I was thinking of getting some more books from my locker. Maybe you’d let me in to get some? If not, I could get my mom to dr-“

“Thatwouldbegreat.” Peridot slurs.

“Oh, okay. Yeah. Let’s do that then. Any time you want to… I guess.”

Peridot nods and grabs the bundle of keys from her dresser and takes Lapis by the hand. The bluenette tries to stop her and ask if she needs to take a break, expressing they could wait a while before going- but the other presses on down the stairs without a word. When they reach the ground level, Peridot realizes that removing the bag of ice from her dresser would have been an optimal decision. She tells Lapis to quickly write her parents a note as she goes up to get the ice.

“Slow down a second Peridot. Why do I have to write the note?”

The blonde pulls her knee up to pull on her left shoe and replies “It is easy.” She reaches for the other shoe when her left foot touches the floor. “All you have to do is write something like: ‘Going to school with Lapis, will be back before track race.’ It is not that hard. No affection is necessary either!”

Peridot hops up the stairs, leaving Lapis to find paper and pen. She looks for some in the kitchen, trying to remember word-for-word what Peridot had said. As she goes around the bar counter, she notices another note there- the one that the other had written weeks ago. On it was a coffee stain and ring of dried water, but it looks as if no one had ever picked it up, read or even found it. Lapis stares at it for a moment and thinks of how weird it must be to have parents that are never around and who don’t ever bother to check in or care. _How they could treat her like she isn’t their child, rather a stranger who sleeps in their home and borrows from their fridge?_ _Peridot is a wonderful person, she deserves more than they give her. She deserves more than anyone has given her._

Just then, she hears the front door open and looks over her shoulder to see Peridot halfway out, gesturing for her to come. Lapis forgets about writing the note and focuses on what she is about to do, thinking _she deserves better._

The two drive to the campus and make exchanges about the weather and how warm it’s been getting. Of course, a jacket should suit the both of them as well as a hat for Lapis, but it was in fact relatively warm for the time of year- late January. Perks of living near the ocean, they assume. The car gets parked, locked, and abandoned as the two make their way to the school building. Peridot fumbling once again with the keys, her nervous hands unable to make the right gestures as to fit the key in the lock and twist. Lapis assists her, grabbing her hand lightly to keep it steady, applying the right pressure to get the job done and to not make Peridot feel uncomfortable. The blonde thanks her as they make their first few steps in and remembers to catch the door behind Lapis, knowing her fear of loud and sudden sounds.

Lapis tells Peridot to wait by the front doors so not to further injure her ankle, insisting that she sits down with the ice. At first Peridot banters back that she came all this way to go with her to get the books and not just sit and wait, but Lapis made a promise to be back soon and darted off before the other could retaliate once more. The hall was exceptionally cold for the temperature being so mild outside, or maybe it was the ice on her ankle that gave Peridot the chills. One minute felt like an hour, and ten minutes felt like a day. So when Lapis still hadn’t returned with the books after fifteen minutes, Peridot could not be bothered to wait by the front doors anymore. She plucked the ice from her ankle and half numbly walked to the cafeteria which, to her dismay, was not any better. Another five or so minutes pass before distant footsteps and a relieved ‘There you are!’ could be heard.

“Peri you were supposed to wait by the front doors. You had me so worried that you left.” She is looking around the room as if trying to find anyone that could be there with them.

“Why would I ever leave you? I know better.” Peridot smiles. “I just could not stand being in that cold hallway, so I came here.”

Lapis adjusts her grip on the stack of books in her hands but one falls off the top, a copy of Tolkien’s _The Hobbit_. Peridot reaches for it and asks the other is she needed some help. Lapis declines firmly, stating that the book only fell because she leaned the stack too far forward when adjusting- which was so clearly not the case as they both knew, but Peridot rolled with it anyways. She looks at the book and asks:

“Why this one?”

“Well I watched the movies before I read the books, and the movies were great so I wanted to see how the books fared. To read all the things the movie couldn’t fit in, ya know?”

The blonde nods in response before shivering.

“You wanna go outside and warm up?” The bluenette offers.

“That sounds good, and you can set those books down as well.”

They walk outside through the back doors of the cafeteria to the abundance of picnic tables. There, Lapis sets down her books and sits atop one of the tables and gestures for Peridot to sit closely next to her. She sets the book in her hands down and sits rightfully on the seat of the picnic table rather than the tabletop by Lapis. Neither of them say anything, and there really isn’t much to be said- Peridot thinks. Although, Lapis is thinking really hard and finally exclaims:

“Peridot, do you have keys to that place?” She points to the track field. “Up in the bleachers, that small room where the announcers gather when hosting sporting events, do you have keys to that?”

Peridot looks up at Lapis, confused as to why Lapis would need up there, but sure of her answer.

“I think… I do.”

********************

Next thing Peridot knows, she is being led by Lapis who is galloping madly up the bleacher steps to get to the announcers’ room. Peridot can hardly keep her footing as they ascend the aluminum steps to the top. They stop just outside of the locked door, and Peridot sorts through her keys, trying a couple wrong ones before the door opens. Lapis takes Peridots hand again and leads her in, grabbing the bunch of keys from the lock and closing the door behind her. She drops the keys from her other hand but doesn’t let go of Peridot’s hand.

“What is going on?” Peridot asks.

Lapis avoids the question.

“Peridot, do you remember New Years Eve?”

“Yes, why, what is going on?”

“Do you remember how you said that you were unloved and how you were just going to kiss yourself when the clock hit midnight?”

“Of course, and then your parents walked in and yelled ‘Happy New Year’ and I think you kissed me on the top of my head.”

“That’s not the kiss you deserved that night!” Lapis blurts. Peridot now more confused than ever, blushes, contrasting with her bright green eyes like they did the night of Halloween- Lapis thinks. The bluenette breaks eye contact with Peridot, looking instead toward the ground.

“You deserve so much more Peridot. I-I can’t help but think back to that night sometimes and I wonder how I missed out on a great opportunity. Well I know now is a better time than ever to make up for that night. The way you looked, all illuminated by the glow of my TV, smiling at me and looking at me like I was worth something. You’re worth something to me. I don’t think you’re unloved… ”

She tightens her grip on Peridots hand and yanks her into a passionate kiss. Their lips feathering together, lightly chapped and warm. Lapis reaches hesitantly to put her free hand around the back of Peridots neck, tilting her own head upwards and pressing their lower lips harder together. It lasts only a few seconds before Peridot processes what is happening and melts, literally. Her knees give out and she collapses to the ground, straight out of the kiss and leaves Lapis standing empty handed. In fear that the other actually passed out, Lapis dives down immediately and starts calling her name.

“Peridot… Peri are you okay? Oh my stars…”

The blonde simply stares at Lapis, wide eyed and red faced. She cannot mutter a single word much less _think_ of a proper response with all of the wild emotion jumbling in her love-struck head. This is when Lapis starts shaking her lightly, willing her to snap out of whatever just happened.

“L-L-Lapis,”

“Oh, yes? What is it? Are you alright?” Lapis searches her face for answers.

“C-can you do that again?”

Lapis looks stunned, but a smile quickly blossoms from her cheeks and she nods. She leans down and plants her lips on the others, this time a little less neat and calculated as her nerves got the best of her. All confidence now gone, Lapis simply hopes that this kiss is equally as good as the first one. And if you ask Peridot, she’d always say it was. Lapis pulls slowly out of the kiss and picks herself up, offering Peridot a hand to help her up as well. The two stand, shaky, nerve wracked, and unknowing of what comes next.

“I feel like I am dreaming, like this is some sort of fantasy.”

“Are you okay with it?” Lapis questions nervously.

“Am I okay with it? Of course I am okay with it! I am SO okay with you. I wanted this to happen, I simply did not know how you would feel, or really even how I would feel.”

“How _do_ you feel?”

“I feel happy, excited, ecstatic, and I guess gay too. If you understand where I am coming from…”

“I absolutely feel the same way.”

“But how am I going to explain to people that I am…?”

“Peri, believe me it’s not that hard. People at school have already been joking about us being in a relationship for a while now. As for your parents, you don’t talk to them anyways right?”

“I guess you are correct. Although they are very opposed to the idea of homosexual relations… how am I going to explain this to _myself_?”

“What do you mean?”

“Lapis, for years I thought that I would live my life alone, surrounded with books and work and no one and nothing else. But when I met you, I could not explain why I thought YOU of all people could change that. I have never felt the way I feel right now with anyone.”

“Peri… do you want to be my gir-“

“Wait!”

Lapis stops and looks a mixture of horrified and embarrassed.

“I had this all planned out, I’m sorry! I was actually going to ask you that very question tonight after I finished the race. If I won first, I wanted ask you the second I saw you next. No matter what answer you would have given me, nothing could have changed that feeling of victory. I did not anticipate this happening between us… at all. So-“

“So you want to wait until tonight?”

“Well, you see I-“

“That’s perfectly fine with me. I got what I had planned for. I’m not gonna throw a wrench in any plans you had just because of my wants. I’ll wait for tonight.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Not a problem.” The bluenette smiles.

“But, wait… you planned this?”

“Well, not exactly like _this_. Really why I was gone so long while getting the books was to check the other hallways to make sure no one else could have snuck in and seen what I had planned. Believe it or not I’m actually never this confident, especially in front of others.”

“I am aware.” Peridot smirks.

“Right, and so I wanted to get you all alone so I could say that little speech about New Years- you have no idea how many times I have been practicing this- and when you left the area I knew wasn’t infested with people, I panicked. But when we were outside I saw this place and I knew it would be the only space secluded enough for me to make a move on you.”

“I cannot believe how perfectly executed your plan was...”

“Thank you, but I hope you know that the kissing part wouldn’t have happened without a little advice from one close friend of yours.”

“JASPER? ARE YOU SERIOUS? I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU TOOK ANY SORT OF ADVICE FROM HER. Sure it was spectacular advice, BUT IS THAT WHY YOU WERE SKIPPING SCHOOL TOGETHER?”

“And why do you think we couldn’t tell you what we talked about?” Lapis smirks.

Peridot opens her mouth but shuts it, opting for an easier response. She grins and lets out a soft giggle. Lapis does the same and soon they are both giggling and smiling by their cheeks. This soon turns to laughter- uncontrollable, wild laughter that livens the room.

“Hmm hmm, Lazuli, you are a wonder beyond belief.”

********************

Peridot drives Lapis home with her mound of literature, the ride there is pleasantly silent. They hug in the car and exchange the few words of ‘See you tonight’ and ‘Okie doke artichoke’ before going separate ways. Lapis will lock herself in her room and read until the hour before Peridot’s race. Peridot will also lock herself in her room and put generous amounts of ice and heat on her ankle to prepare the night. Afterwards the two will be attending a party with Jasper and then sleep at Lapis’ house. The night was planned to perfection, or at least as perfect as it could be for how it turned out.


	12. So Much For Glory

She sets her gym bags down on the bench in the girls’ locker room and reaches in for her phone. The time reads 5:23pm, meaning there was roughly an hour before the competition. There was a text from Lapis asking where they could meet before the starting lineup. Peridot doesn’t reply, instead she picks her bags back up and walks out of the locker room. Almost every competitor had arrived and they all looked equally as intimidating. She scans the other girls performing their workout routines on the side lines and on the field, some even jogging around the track. The volunteers were setting up the first finish line to be crossed, and setting up their “hydration stations” as some would call them. Sponsors were pouring in, and the local news station had seemingly just arrived on the scene. _This will surely be a night to remember_ Peridot thinks to herself.

She continues to walk the outer circle of the track until she reaches the fence by the gate. Just beyond the gate were parents and wandering children sprinkled in with other track and field participants working out in the stretch of grass. One of her team members strides up behind her and pats her on the back saying: “Isn’t this crazy Dot? Good luck.” before walking through the gate. Peridot draws a deep breath in and sighs, it was a lot to take in. All of these people running for the same goal; some will face against her in the competitions, some who have spent more than just their high school career preparing for this one moment and even bigger moments after this one. Although, Peridot knew that winning wouldn’t change her long-term goals, running was a hobby rather than an aspiration. She had already opted for the bioengineering route for a career, this was certain. After all of this track and field shenanigans, she would devote more time to the science team on Thursdays.

The lights on the track click on suddenly, illuminating everything on the field in an almost blinding white. This draws Peridot’s attention away from the stretch of grass beyond the gate and she doesn’t see or hear the people coming from the other side.

“Peri!” “Hey Dotty!” the two exclaim at once.

She turns around to greet a smiling Lapis and Jasper.

“Oh, hello… Jasper I did not think you were going to this.”

“I wasn’t until Lapis texted me. Party doesn’t start ‘til 8 anyways so I’d rather be here than there.” She smirks. “Plus I wouldn’t wanna miss out on you getting your first girlfriend.” Jasper lets out a hardy laugh, allowing the other two to meet eyes and smile timidly before awkwardly looking elsewhere.

“Yeah, tonight’s going to be wonderful. I’m sure you’ll do great out there Peri, I know you can win.”

Peridot reestablishes eye contact with Lapis and nods with confidence. Jasper states that she is going to the snack bar to grab a few things and round up a “hype squad” for Peridot during her race. As she said, she would “gather the whole high school to cheer for her, so that there would be no doubt that Peridot would leave the track single”. Of course, the blonde had her doubts that Jasper could truly round up the whole school to cheer for her. It was a known fact that she was a lifeless nerd with virtually no one looking out for her besides a hard drug addict and a dyed hair dyke. How could the entire body of a school that overlooked her for years finally notice her now? _What does it matter?_ She thought. _Even if they yelled and cheered, it would not make them care._

Lapis gestures that she come around the gate so they could walk around together when Jasper starts to walk away. And she does. The two walk in the opposite direction, strolling past girls doing lunges, squats and high kicks. They walk around the perimeter of the gated track, wandering past the crowd of athletes.

“So why aren’t you working out and stuff like everyone else?” The bluenette questions.

“Ah, well I do not want to be too hard on myself. I already warmed up his morning and this afternoon a bit and if I spend all my time working my body then I could actually wear myself out. I am more or less saving my energy for later, but I will do some stretches right before my race for sure. And right now I am with you, so I would much rather focus my energy on this.”

Lapis dips her head, her messy bangs shade her eyes; a poor attempt to hide the blush growing on her countenance. She brushes the back of her hand against the others before slowly entwining her hand with Peridot’s like a little dance. Lapis squeezes her hand lightly and Peridot squeezes back. They remain like this for a while, walking together in a silent bliss. Once they all but circled the track, the taller of the two decides to speak up.

“I should let you go now, they are going to let people into the stands in about ten minutes.”

“I don’t mind staying with you until ten minutes _after_ the stands open. I want as much time with you as I can!” Lapis says, a little too eager. “To, you know, relish in the moment before you uh, before Jasper comes back and-“

“Yeah, because _that_ is the reason you want to stay here.” Peridot cuts her off sarcastically.

“Hey! That’s absolutely true! I don’t want her to come back and interrupt something.”

“And what exactly would she be interrupting?”

“A conversation and our time together before you have to start warm ups? She could come back any minute now and interrupt anything we do.”

“If I know her well enough, she is probably at the front of the line to the stands, waiting to get the best seats. If that is so, she may not even come get you because she is too busy fighting off incessantly pushy track moms. They’re like soccer moms, but worse in some twisted way-“

“HEY DOTTY, THE STANDS OPEN IN TEN MINUTES. MIND IF I TAKE LAPIS TO GET GOOD SEATS?” Jasper yells from across the field.

Lapis gives Peridot the classic ‘I told you so’ glare, and Peridot sighs in defeat. The bluenette takes her hand from the other and wraps both arms tightly around her waist instead. Peridot does the same, leaning her head on her shoulder. As Lapis pulls away, her hands float on Peridots hips and she grins.

“Good luck out there. I’ll be cheering the loudest.” She says before turning to the direction of Jasper and the crowd that had begun to gather.

********************

The people in the stands were fired up after the first few events, the crowd’s cheers ringing in her ears as she waiting, pacing the outside of the locker room. From what Peridot could hear, the announcer had yet to call a familiar name as a winner of the previous events. This meant that if Peridot won, she would be the first of her school to receive a medal tonight. The pressure was on, and only growing more intense as more sore legged girls walked in and out of the locker rooms to grab their bags, glazed in sweat from head to toe and reeking of disappointment.

Some struck up conversations with Peridot upon seeing her pace absent-mindedly in the short hallway. They spoke about the large and intimidating crowd and told stories of their triumph being crushed by the other competitors in the last few seconds. Peridot hoped the same would not happen to her. Her time was coming up soon after the dash races were finished. The 800m- two full laps around the track- was her race. She decided to do some stretches in the short hallway, but chose never to go out to watch the others compete. As unsportsman-like as it was, it helped with the looming anxiety of failure.

 _I cannot mess this up. Everyone is watching out there, everyone who cares at least._ She thinks about her parents, and how they promised her that they would go to this event months ago. She should have known better. After all, they chose to take a two-week long vacation and left for it yesterday morning before she had even come home from her morning run. _Pathetic- simply pathetic._

“And now we are preparing for the Eight Hundred Meter Run. Racers should be taking their marks at this time…” The announcer carries on.

Peridot inhales sharply and exhales the same before pushing open the door and placing herself ever more near to the track. Tall lights illuminate the scene, creating the illusion of a sunny day on the grass and white lined track. The blondes’ first instinct is to look at the sky, which had turned pitch black during the time she was in the locker room hallway. If the lights were not as blinding she might have been able to see stars.

She takes her place at the starting line, joined by gold hungry fiends from other schools. They look like they could chew through her spine in one feverish bite; all having higher ponytails, shorter shorts, and toned upper bodies. Peridot on the other hand had her regular bun hairdo, regular workout shorts, and evenly flat upper body. _How could this school depend on me?_ Peridot would be the only one from her school participating in this race. She glanced up into the stands and immediately found the bluenette sitting in the center of a mass of people she could not believe fit in the bench seats. The other competitors were right when they spoke to her out of the locker room, the crowd truly was intimidating.

The announcer had already begun to call the names of those competing, introducing them as they lunge into their final stretches before getting into position.  Just as they had finished announcing the number four competitor, the crowd suddenly burst into wild screaming, clapping and cheering. This caused the blonde to jump, diverting her eyes immediately to the stands and seeing the mass of people in the center of the stands standing, and jumping. It only took a second before she realized that she was the fifth competitor, and those cheers were for her. Whether they were genuine or not, Peridot was astonished. _Wow, Jasper really did get the whole school as a hype squad._ The blonde took one last look into the stands before focusing her energy on the track ahead. Lapis was standing, waving at the other with a huge grin on her face that she normally would have been embarrassed about. The whistle blew and the racers took their marks.

She breathed in… out… in… before the whistle blew once more and the race had begun.

Peridot started at a steady, almost rhythmic pace as she was taught. Her body curled toward the inner edge of the track, trying to push towards the lead on nimble legs. She could feel herself gaining momentum and thought of nothing but the satisfaction of passing another girl. The first turn of the track was approaching quickly. The crowd was growing further from her, but their cheers never stopped bellowing. She passed the turn and continued on. The girl in first place currently was probably the least intimidating. How was it that the ones who look the most in shape and well worked were hanging out in back?

That’s when it hit- those girls in back really _are_ fierce competition are waiting until the last few seconds to gain the lead. That is what every girl had said to her as they went to the locker rooms to get their stuff… and the same thing really _is_ going to happen to her. Peridot fell back to let others pass her on the straightaway. On the next curve of the track she sped up some more so as not to seem like she had given up. But again, on the straightaway she would fall behind many others- taking on the tactics of the opposing team. So, that when the final curve of the track came Peridot could surpass everyone in a dash no one would see coming- just like the others.

She passed the starting line; this was the final lap. The crowd was evermore present, cheering unbearably louder for Peridot since she was near the back. Her legs hardily carried her body, but her the pain in her ankle was now starting to catch up with her. A small crack was heard every time she has pushed off the ground with it to advance and a sharp, shooting pain was culminating in that joint. Still she ran, turning the second to last corner of the race. She had a stronghold on fourth place with two others trailing behind her. There was nothing on her mind besides victory, and more so the payoff of that victory. Being the first of the night to take home a medal for the school, having Lapis, and possibly earning more respect from her peers. And to top it all off with going to her first real party to last through the night- it would be a glorious victory.

This was it, the final curve of the lap. The finish line was only seconds away. Peridot took quick action and bolted, surpassing all but one who was in front of her. She was right about the competitors behind her, they sped up too, but not enough to beat Peridot. She ran like she did the first day she ran away from home. She ran away from the now numb pain in her ankle, and the loneliness and negativity that was always looming over her due to her neglectful parents. And she ran because she thought that maybe if she could run fast enough, she could escape it all.

She crossed the finish line with another competitor beside her; it was a tie until further revision.

The crowd still roared, cheering for their champion who had brought home the first medal of the night, whether it was a gold or silver. The blonde nearly collapsed upon stopping but was hoisted back up by the arms of her coach. Her coach jumped up and down a few times with Peridot in her arms. Words spilled from her mouth about how proud she was of her for winning and quite literally limping through the finish line- although Peridot never noticed that at the time.

She looked to the stands and saw this moment just as she had dreamt. The center of the bleachers was jumping and hollering, and amidst the crowd was a beautiful blue haired girl waving at her sporadically, and Peridot seemed to hear her voice the loudest of them all. Suddenly the blue haired girl jumped down and meandered her way to the aisle of stairs that she hastily flew down. Jasper had stopped yelling for Peridot and instead shouted at Lapis, seemingly cheering _her_ on. Lapis came onto the field with the next set of competitors, and that’s when Peridot freed herself from the arms of her coach and began jogging towards the other. Lapis bolted for Peridot. They met in the middle, just off to the side of the track and embraced so quickly that the fell to the ground.

“OH MY STARS YOU DID SO WELL!” Lapis exclaimed, still holding onto the other. Peridot just held her tighter in response. They remained this way for a few seconds before the announcer blared the final results of the race. After revision, it was determined that the other competitor had beat Peridot by a fraction of a second, meaning that she would bring home the gold medal and not Peridot. The crowd in the stands became a mix of cheers and ‘awww’s. But Lapis just beams with wild excitement.

“Wasn’t there a certain question you were going to ask me tonight if you won?” The bluenette said as she pulled herself off the ground.

“But, I did not win.”

“Oh sure you did! You won second-place, and that’s better than any of your other teammates!”

“But it is second…”

“Who cares if you didn’t get first? You won! You’re not even going to pursue track in the long run, why should a first-place matter to you anyways? I can’t believe you’re not going to ask me because of that.” Lapis jokes.

“Fine.” The blonde sits up and rests her arm on her knee. She looks up at Lapis with full confidence, shutting her eyes and saying: “Lapis, would you do the honor of acquainting yourself with I in a committed romantic relationship?”

“Gosh I knew you were a nerd, but are you really going to ask me like that?” Lapis giggles.

Peridot eyes flash open. “I uh,” Her cheeks flush a bright crimson, and she diverts her gaze from Lapis to the ground. “I do not see any other way to ask it. Was what I just stated wrong? How else would I do so? I do not really know what I am doing, I have never done this kind of things before and-“

Lapis kneels down and takes Peridot’s face in her hands. She moves her face to look at her own.

“All you had to say was ‘do you want to be my girlfriend’ or something simple.”

“Well, do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Lapis pauses before a soft smile appears on her face.

“I really, really do.”

The bluenette presses her forehead lightly against the others’, still holding her in place. Although it had already been established earlier that day that the two should be taken with one another, it still made each of them fluster. Lapis of course was too shy to do anything too romantic in front of the crowd of people in the stands, and Peridot was the same. Yet even the simple touching of foreheads together was enough to elicit a booming roar of excitement from those in the stands. Jasper, of course, egging on the crowd by pumping her fists into the air and gesturing for the others around her to scream louder. It was embarrassing to say the least, but they were so caught up in the energy and adrenaline that it did not matter so much.

********************

After Peridot received her medal on the podium at the end of the events, she went back to the locker room to freshen up and change into clothes more fitting for a party. It was not much different than what she would normally wear; ill-fitted jeans, a plain colored sweater, sneakers and hair in a tight bun near the top of her head. When she came back out to greet Lapis, she had a concerned look on her face.

“You’re limping much worse.”

“I know.” Peridot grimaces and looks down at her largely swollen ankle. “Maybe if I could just walk it out before we go to the party, things would-“

“No. Peridot you have got to stop running away from your problems. That looks like it hurts and I’m going to take you to a doctor.”

“Fair enough, let’s call your mom and get this all over with before we miss out on tonight’s events.”

Lapis pulls out Peridot’s car keys from her pocket and jingles them.

“NO.”

“Yes, now come on.” Lapis tries to take her hand, but Peridot stumbles and pulls away.

“No Lapis, you do not know how to drive. I can drive just fine. How did you manage to take my keys from my gym bag anyways?”

“Don’t ask. And I really don’t think you can drive when you can hardly bend your right ankle Peri. You’re right handed, so I imagine driving with your left foot isn’t optimal. Just trust me.”

“I trust you, but I am very against this idea.”

“Good thing trust is all I need.” She grabs Peridot’s hand again and this time uses it to lift her arm up and place it around her shoulder. Lapis places her other arm around the waist of the blonde, and helps her out to the car this way.

When the two are seated inside Lapis immediately starts the engine. The other complains about how Jasper could have been the one to drive them to the clinic, how they might be late to the party, and that the pain in her ankle was not so bad that she couldn’t have spent one more night on it. Lapis refutes every statement and reassures her that everything would end up just fine.

“Okay, now which one is the brake?”

Peridot turns icy. “Are you being facetious? Please tell me you are not. Now is not the time.”

“Yes yes, of course… But it’s the bigger one in the middle, right?”

Peridot just lets out a disgruntled sigh and nods slowly.

********************

Thankfully the clinic that the two had in mind was not too far from the school, but that did not make the drive any safer. When Lapis pulled onto the main road, she nearly T-boned some guy from not turning the wheel enough and mistaking the brake for the acceleration. Peridot tried to keep her cool by gripping onto the seatbelt and pulling it tighter and pressing her back deeply into the seat- this was not helping in the slightest. After what seemed like an hour to both of them, they made it to the clinic unscathed. Being so late at night, the visit was a quick in-and-out kind of deal. There was no serious damage to her ankle thankfully. It was a pretty bad sprain, but not broken or in need of any cast except for a soft over the next few weeks until the stiffness and swelling went down.

They left with a doctor’s note and headed for their local CVS to purchase a soft cast. Lapis drove again and the trip this time around was not as dangerous. When they got to the parking lot, Lapis put the car in park and quickly stopped Peridot before she opened the door. She ran to the other side of the car and opened the door for her before reaching to pick her up bridal style. The blonde protested this, but Lapis insisted that she was “incapable of walking without assistance and needed her help until she put on the soft cast”. So, she hoisted her out of the car and closed the door with her hip.

She marched into CVS like a proud new husband carrying his bride to the hotel room after the after-party, and went straight to the back near the pharmacy where they kept the crutches, boots, and soft casts. Not wanting to drop the injured girl, she had Peridot pick out the cast she preferred and had her hold it until they marched back to the front of the store. The cashier who checked them out never bat an eye. His half-lidded gaze stared off into the distance for the entirety of the exchange. And with that, Lapis carried the blonde back out to the car and placed her back in the passenger seat. She took her shoe and sock off to fit the cast firmly around her ankle.

“Hey Peri, do you still want to go to that party?”

“Of course.” Peridot responded, still looking down at her ankle. “What makes you think I would not want to?”

“I don’t know… Maybe it’s just that now you have your toes exposed and I didn’t think you were the type of person to be seen like that.” She laughs.

“Yeah well, sacrifices must be made for one’s health and safety. Really it is fine, I was not thinking of this as a problem. The pain is not as bad too, most likely due to you carrying me all over that place.”

“Good! If there’s anything else I can do…”

“Hey Lapis, do _you_ want to go to the party?”

“Oh heck yeah. I was just worried about you, it doesn’t really seem like your thing.”

“I do not know what ‘my thing’ is, really. I am still trying to figure that out for myself. I have been looking for a change for a while. Maybe drinking is my thing! I have only done it once with you and that was really fun, maybe this next time will be fun too.”

“I highly doubt drinking is your thing. And I didn’t know you intended on drinking tonight anyways.”

Peridot just shrugs.

Lapis closes the door once Peridot is all settled and hops in the drivers seat. She starts the car and before putting it in drive, she glances at the blonde and asks if she can play any music on the way there. Peridot smiles and nods, agreeing to the terms of ‘so long as it’s not so loud that you cannot hear my directions on how to get to the party’. Lapis loads in a CD and plays it from track 1.

One thing Peridot notes about how Lapis drives, is that she does so nicely when there is no music, but horribly when there is music. The thing is, Lapis loves to dance. She will wiggle in her seat to the beat of the music and sing along to the song, closing her eyes at all the passionate parts- which is not the safest thing to do when you’re just learning how to drive. Needless to say, the ride there could have ended much worse. When they got onto the main road, again, Lapis could have hit someone. Switching lanes was a disaster that caused at least 2 cars to blare their horns as they speedily passed. Yet she never found the strength to tell Lapis that maybe music wasn’t the best idea. After running a second red light, Peridot tightened up on the seatbelt again and began singing along to the music of track 3 to distract herself from what she thought was an inevitable wreck in the near future.

_I’ll send a message, saying ‘give it up, give it up’_

_We’ve got no place to go, caught up in a rodeo_

_Oh no, please god tell me we’re dreaming_

Lapis looks over at Peridot singing and starts singing louder, overlooking the fear in the other’s eyes. They nearly slam into another car when Lapis closes her eyes and sings to the chorus.

_Oohhh, AAAHHHH, PLEASE GOD TELL ME WE’RE DREAMIN’_

Peridot yells as they narrowly swerve around the car before impact with it. The blonde is hyperventilating at this point, singing faintly to some of the words.

_Breath again, to breath again…_

_The world is…_

_Take a breath…_

_Calm down…._

She instructs Lapis to make a right turn into the neighborhood that the bluenette nearly misses.

_Oh no, please god tell me we’re dreaming_

_We’ve got nowhere to run_

She again, instructs Lapis to take a right, and then a left when she sees the street number. They arrive- much to Peridots’ surprise- in one piece. She turns off the car after parking it and sits back in the seat. She starts laughing, and Peridot joins in with her; both laughing out of nervousness. She reaches over and takes Peridot’s hand in hers.

“I can’t believe I drove us here.”

“I cannot believe we lived.”

“I know right! What was I thinking? Do you know how many times I could have wrecked? Sure I was playing it cool with singing along to the music, but I think I was just as terrified as you.”

“I doubt that Lazuli. I think we should call your mom to pick us up tonight. I really do not want to drive with you again until there is a certified license in your possession.”

“Agreed.” She squeezes her hand tighter.

After a moment, they exit the car. Lapis helps Peridot out and up to the door where they knock on the door. Jasper opens it almost immediately with a huge genuine grin. She ushers them in and closes the door. The night would be glorious- to say the least.


	13. Stay This Way

Sex and alcohol- everywhere and lots of it. People on couches and up against walls, making out and pushing against each other like they have never known what the term _shame_ meant. Every smiling face had a cup in hand that either smelled like booze or a soft drink. There was no water except for what poured slowly out of the kitchen faucet or what sloshed and crashed out back in the pool. Two girls were giggling and had begun taking off their bikini tops while other guys and gals were climbing out of the water and rushing inside because it was most certainly too cold. Some took to the room with the speakers that blared music too loud to hear the words. Most people lingered between the kitchen and living room area though. Few were back near the bedrooms, as most of them were closed and presumed to be locked because of the light moans and squeaks that audaciously exuded from them.

Less than a quarter of all attendees were upstairs, most waiting in line for the bathroom. There was one room that was closed off that reeked of weed so badly it fogged the entire upstairs. Some would go in but none seemed to leave. Jasper said that’s where Malachite was going to be for the whole night. Sugilite had left the house with some others to go retrieve some shopping carts from the nearby grocery store for a race she had dreamed of having, Jasper had also explained. Although the outside of the house seemed small and cozy, the inside was much smaller and there was not one comforting feature about it. It looked and felt like this abode was only used for moderately sized parties on the weekends. There were hardly any decorations, which is most notably why Peridot thought this house was not owned by someone’s loving parents, or that it was abandoned or foreclosed on.  Lapis offered that someone might have hid the decorations so they wouldn’t get trashed during the party, but that didn’t make the atmosphere any less unsettling than it was for the two of them.

Jasper asked Lapis if she wanted to take a swim in the pool, but the bluenette shook her head and said that she’d rather just find a quiet place with people to talk to. Jasper thinks for a moment before saying she knows the perfect place, she extends the offer to Peridot to come along, but she declines. Lapis didn’t feel like spending time away from her girlfriend at the start of the party, but the other assures her that they’ll meet up soon and that she wants to get a drink first to get “acclimated to her surroundings”. So, Jasper leads Lapis away and leaves the blonde to rummage around for whatever alcoholic beverage is left.

She managed to find herself on the front porch with a bottle of honey whiskey all to herself, giggling at some horrifically embarrassing story someone just told. Everyone on the porch out front was from a different school than her, which made things a lot easier when it came to having a good time. No one had a clue about her past in being the weird kid who would study at lunch on the bathroom floor. No one had any beef with her for being too much of a pushover, a nerd, or a virgin. They treated her like any other stranger and welcomed her strange self with open arms.

Lapis on the other hand was led by Jasper to the backyard where on the patio sat a group of much older looking young adults, many of which could have already graduated college. They were having deep conversations about television show theories, and the importance of impressionism on modern art, and paradoxes. There were drinks on the table but the discussion at hand was too fierce to let a drink stop a moving mouth, and every mouth was moving at least until Lapis was thrown into the mix.  They continued to talk around her as if she was sat down there by mistake. Lapis looked to Jasper who remained standing beside her; maybe she _had_ been put there by mistake.

The blonde was having a great time with the other kids, they thought she was hilarious- not just because of her crudely plain jokes, but because the expression she told them with. Originally having been leaning against the house with her bottle in hand, she decided to move under the occasionally flickering light that lit the small porch to tell her story. That dim light was her spotlight and the small empty space below it was her stage. She ungracefully dived headfirst into every gesture and stumbled through her words. The alcohol was giving her a great deal of false confidence. Of course she was a lightweight, but the simple rebellious act of underage drinking was enough to conjure a fearless persona almost instantly. And that fearless persona had a _wild_ story to tell.

Lapis sat quietly looking from person to person as they spoke. She hadn’t yet found the right topic to join in on but the topics were very intriguing. Jasper had already spoken up and was now arguing her point that the words “burned” and “burnt” can be used interchangeably. In a typical sense, Lapis would have already been two drinks in and dancing in the dark to unfamiliar music. Though this side of the party scene wasn’t one she necessarily opposed. It was a nice change of pace from every party she had been to in the past. Parties where the other kids pressured her to drink and older men danced behind her. Compared to those, this was a walk in the park.

Peridot finished her story about “breaking into the school” and Lapis confessing her “undying love”. Everyone thought it to be so endearing and somehow hilarious, since most of them were still laughing. Though to be honest, it was probably from how Peridot fell into the bush as she was reenacting their first kiss. The small crowd had now begun begging her to bring Lapis over for a drink. She happily complied. With exuberant step, she shuffled her way to her girlfriend. The dance floor was the hardest to pass due to the lack of space to wiggle through, this almost forcing some of the porch sitters that followed to stay behind and wait in the dancing crowd.

Forgetting about the screen door that separated the house and the backyard, the blonde nearly burst through it. She quickly fumbled with the tiny door handle before barreling down the steps and onto the patio in search of her girl. Lapis was sitting fairly close to the pools edge at a table with some much older looking men and women. She sat with both elbows on the glass table-top and was leaning in with an amused expression. She raised a hand and started adding on to what some other guy had said before Jasper nudged her in the thigh having noticed that Peridot was quickly approaching.

“Oh hey Peri!” Lapis started.

“Lapis, listen. There are a bunch of people on the porch who think you are adorable, that I think you should come meet. Them and I have some pretty similar thoughts about you.”

Lapis flushed.

“Oh, I uhm. Yeah okay. Is that okay guys?” She turned to look at the college graduates and they smiled and waved her off, complimenting her taste in partners. Jasper patted her on the back and beamed with joy. Lapis stood up and joined Peridot but quickly stopped when she smelled the alcohol permeating the air around the other.

“Wait, have you been drinking? Are you drunk?!”

“No no no no no way! I took a few sips here and there. It’s no big deal. I told you I wanted to drink tonight!”

“I thought that meant Sprite or something! I didn’t think you even liked drinking, with the way you’re so avidly against drugs.” Lapis crossed her arms. Peridot tugged at them, trying to hold her hand.

“I had to get acclimated. Everyone drinks at parties, even a nerd like me knows that. This is the first party I am attending outside of the bathroom studying and I want to do it right. I want to have fun, loosen up a bit!”

“Hmm, I really don’t like this. I don’t think you should be drinking here unsupervised. How much have you had?”

“Like, half a bottle of some whiskey I-“

“That’s it. We’re going home.” Lapis takes Peridot by the wrist and starts dragging her around the side of the house to the front- purposely avoiding the dancing mob inside.

“No way! I have not even been here ten minutes!”

“Honestly I have no idea how you’re not slurring your words right now. After all that whiskey, ugh how can you even stomach it?” She makes a disgusted face.

“I am not slurring my words.”

“I just said you weren’t… I don’t know how but you’re really coherent and I think that’s scaring me more than the fact that I’ll have to drive us home tonight. I am not letting you drive after drinking that much. It’s bound to hit your system hard and soon.”

“Oh no no no I am not letting you drive. We almost died getting here, remember?”

“Then I’ll call my mom.”

“NO!” Peridot wailed. She pulled her wrist from the others grasp to grip her shoulders instead. She squeezed them tightly and looked into her eyes before explaining. “I cannot have your mother see me like this. What kind of good influence would I be if I was slurring and smelling like this?”

“It _was_ what we planned on doing anyways Peri. I offered to drive because I don’t want my mom to see you like this either. And I said you’re not slurring! Can you let go? It hurts when you squeeze them… scars… remember?” She plucks her hands off her shoulders. Peridot opts to slumping her head into Lapis’ chest instead, the other huffing in annoyance.

They stay this way for hardly a moment when Sugilite comes gliding down the street. She is standing on the back of a shopping cart and yelling something unintelligible. Two others were pushing and riding shopping carts behind her. In front of the house starts a wild commotion that draws the attention of a few people inside, the front door creaking open rapidly as the teens pour out. Lapis gently pushes Peridot off of her and takes her elbow to be dragged to the front of the house.

“What are you doing?” Peridot mumbles.

“Taking you home. Now is a better time than ever while everyone is distracted by shopping carts.”

“Wha- no! We have to say hi to everyone. They wanted to meet you remember?”

As if on cue, the porch partiers notice Peridot being dragged off and call out to her and Lapis. A few of them run to the center of the yard and stop the two before they could reach the street. They smile widely at Lapis and wiggle their brows at Peridot. The blonde introduces her girlfriend and they immediately throw praises and compliments at her. One of them asks to touch her hair and she reluctantly complies.

 

********************

After about ten minutes of nervous first meetings and quite literally _hundreds_ of compliments, Lapis found herself leaning against the front of the house forgetting that she ever needed to take her drunk girlfriend home. Sugilite and her friends had now started racing down the street with the shopping carts. One or two- sometimes three- of her friends would cram into the cart and be pushed all the way to the cul-de-sac of the road where there was someone waiting to announce who was victorious.

Between the music of the party and the booming screams and laughter that echoed from Sugilite and her friends, it was hard to believe the neighbors weren’t complaining. Yet there were no cop cars or sirens in the distance. The streets were quiet and few houses had their porch lights on; maybe this was typical for a Saturday night? Still, no one questioned it for the time being. And no one questioned one of Sugilite’s friends asking Peridot and the porch dwellers to jump into action with the cart racing- not even Lapis. The bluenette was suddenly dragged out to the shopping carts by her enthusiastic girlfriend who insisted on running with Lapis in the cart despite her very apparent ankle injury.

“Nuh uh. I get to drive this cart.” She argues.

“Peri, I think if I have a better chance at driving us safely across the country than you do of winning a race with that ankle.”

“Oh-ho you underestimate me. I am officially a silver medalist in track and field as of tonight and if you think you could beat me-“

“Wow I didn’t know I was dating a jock _and_ a nerd.” Lapis teasingly pushes her face closer to Peridot’s. The taller of the two flushes bright pink.

“I will have you know I am above all st-“

“Stereotypes? I know.” She pulls her face away from Peridot’s, leaving her girlfriend a flustered mess. She’s too distracted to notice or argue when Lapis takes her place behind the cart with both hands on the handle ready to push. Peridot climbs sloppily into the cart, her cast getting caught on the side of the cart twice before she manages to sit with her knees under her chin. They take their place behind a large crack in the road that was deemed the starting line. Before the race begins, the blonde looks behind her and whispers to Lapis “I feel like we have done this before.”

This brings Lapis back to the time they had snuck into school earlier in the winter to take books from the library. How Peridot insisted they take the rolling desk chair for a spin down the long hallway. The look of unadulterated joy on her face at the end off the hallway as she whooped and yelled about how fun it was and how they then took turns running and pushing each other down the hall. And the hilarious moments when either of them went too fast and wiped out or accidentally started spinning. The thoughts made Lapis beam.

She tightened her grip on the handle with determination to beat the opposing cart racers. They were faced against Sapphire who sat in the cart and her fiery girlfriend Ruby. Ruby snarled at Lapis in a playful manner, to which she rebutted with sticking out her tongue. And in a moment’s notice the race had begun, the two running at full speed with their partners holding a death grip on the sides of the cart.

Lapis and Peridot were surprisingly deemed the winners of the match and Ruby was furious. She instantly demanded a rematch. Once the rematch was held, Lapis and Peridot lost. They kept racing despite their growing losing streak and at some point in the night Lapis had decided to stop running halfway through the matches to put her feet atop the little bar at the bottom and simply glide into the cul-de-sac. They lost every time she did that. But it was no longer about winning to them, it was about the thrill of the night itself. No one would remember how many times they lost tomorrow, no one would remember who even played a week from now, no one would remember what games were played a month from now, and possibly no one would remember them at all by next year. They had nothing to lose but a good time.

Eventually though, the good times were ruined by the fact that it was January past midnight and the cold weather got the best of everyone. It brought everyone reluctantly inside to either the kitchen or the living room which was now turned into a dancefloor. Lapis and Peridot found themselves at the back on the living room, bordering the hallway and trying to keep from smashing up against the dancing drunks. The music was obnoxiously loud and the room was slowing flooding with heat as people crowded in. It would have been unbearable if the music playing was dreadful, but the tune was quite familiar.

“Would it be too much to ask you to dance?” Lapis gets on her tip toes to talk over the music into Peridots ear. The latter looks down in confusion.

“Are you serious? I took you for an introvert Ms. Lazuli, I never thought you would want to dance in public.”

“Well if you don’t get me on the dancefloor now, you’re going to miss out on-“

“I don’t want to take that chance!” The blonde nearly shouts as she quickly laces her fingers with Lapis and leads her into the crowd.

Dancing may have been a mistake, as both of them were terrible dancers and Peridots skill was only further dwindled by her ankle injury. Still they bounced and twisted to the beat of a familiar 2000’s pop song, closing their eyes and feeling the rhythm drive them together with the rest of the crowd.

Once about ten songs had played out, the two were as worn as the rips on Peridot’s jeans. The music was soon faded out by the sound of their conscience’s telling them to go home. They shared a knowing look before escaping the crowds wiggling hips and pumping fists and onto the front porch hand in hand. The flickering light that illuminated the porch fell upon them and another figure as they made their way outside. Jasper leaned against the front of the house with a cigarette in hand. A benevolent smile crossed her lips when her eyes met with Lapis’ notable blue hair.

“You two headin’ out?”

“Oh, hey Jasper!” Lapis jumps. “Yeah we were just about to go home. Maybe stop by the CVS on the way home to get some aspirin too, I think that Britney Spears remix hit Peri too hard.” She smiles at her girlfriend who was leaning against her side with her eyes closed.

“Heh, that seems about right. Well I could uh, give you a ride home if you want. I know she’s not driving tonight.”

“That would be great actually!” Lapis perks up.

Jasper pulls out her keys and twirls them around her finger. She drops her cigarette and steps the light out of it before heading down to porch steps to her car. Lapis follows, guiding her girlfriend carefully down the steps. Jasper had parked further up the street in front of a house at the corner. The bluenette asks why Jasper parked so far away from the party, to which she just replies that it’s easier getting out. She also inquires about Peridot’s car being left at the house in the morning, but Jasper promises that it’s safe and she could just get it the next day. They reach her car and climb into the backseat.

“Oh, just move that shit around back there, it’s not important.” Jasper calls from the driver’s seat as she slams her door.

Lapis picks up the stacks of paper- homework from every class that had yet to be touched- and moves them to the floor where there was already a good stack of empty or half full water bottles piling up.

“So, where to? Dotty’s house or yours?” She starts the engine.

“Peridot’s is fine.”

“Sweet.” She replies. After a moment she starts up again with “So how did you enjoy the party?”

“Oh it was fun, the cart racing was new. I’d never done that before. And I guess it was a nice change of pace to not be drinking.”

“Hell yeah! This was one of the first parties I’ve been sober too. No drinkin’, no smokin’ weed, just laying low and watching the madness ensue. Let me tell ya, I watched some girl down fourteen jello shots before she climbed through the fucking chimney to the roof.”

“I was wondering why Amethyst was on the roof.” Peridot chimes in.

Jasper bellows out a hardy laugh and smacks the steering wheel a few times as she remembers the wild event.

“Yeah well, I think this is the only sober car leaving the party. Everyone’s trashed tonight.”

“Actually… Peridot had a few drinks.”

“NO FUCKING WAY. ARE YOU SERIOUS?” She looks in the rearview mirror at Peridot who is quick to defend herself.

“I only dranked a lil’ bottle of whiskey. I’ll be- Im fine.”

“There’s the slurring! It must finally be hitting you hard.” Lapis teases and squeezes her hand.

Peridot groans in response and Jasper releases another robust laugh.

“Damn, the first month I start sobriety, this little shit goes and gets hammered. Why did I ever bother stopping?”

“Uhm, why _did_ you bother stopping?”

“Yeah, why you stop?” Peridot agrees.

“Psh, I don’t know. Sometimes ya hit rock bottom and realize there’s only one way to go, and that’s up. I mean, no drug can take away bad parents and shitty siblin’s, so I figure everyone at home would be less mad at me if I stopped showing up high all the time. And when ya stopped carrying my stuff I realized that drugs were my only tie to ya. That’s not friendship- that’s fucked up. I just needed a change.”

Silence envelops the car.

“Wow… so you’re are going to change?” The blonde slurs and breaks the silence.

“Heh, of course. I told you I owed ya something the day you handed my shit back to me. And I hope this is worth something to you because it is _not_ easy going cold turkey.” She threatens with no bite.

They pull into Peridots driveway to find, expectedly, no lights on or cars in front of the garage. Her parents would not be home for another week and a half so she would have the whole house to herself until then. Lapis helps her girlfriend out of the car and up the porch steps. She unlocks the door with the house key attached to Peridots car keys and escorts herself inside. Jasper calls out before the blonde walks in that Peridot would be inside in a second. With that, Lapis closes the door and leaves the jock and the nerd at the doorstep.

“Hey, it was really great that you actually came to the party tonight and didn’t lock yourself in the bathroom to study. Maybe we could do something like that next weekend? I here Malachite’s parents will be gone Saturday night…” She elbows Peridot in the side.

“Oh helllll yeah Saturday.”

“Hah alright, I hold you to it! And please, oh stars don’t bring any books with you. We gotta start making a habit of _this_ Dotty going to parties and not nerd Dotty.”

“Nerds can go to parties too!”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” She points at her eyes and then at the others before giving her a hard pat on the back. “Now go up there and fuck your girlfriend.”

Peridots eyes grow wide and a furious blush creeps up her neck making her skin boil. She opens her mouth to possibly yell at Jasper but is stopped when she starts wheezing with laughter.

“Damn Peridot, it was a joke! I’ve never seen you so fucking red before.” She continues to laugh, which only makes Peridot scowl more harshly at her friend.

“Alright, alright. I’m leaving now…” Jasper puts her hands up in mock defense and eases down the stairs to her car. When she reaches the drivers side door she calls up to the blonde one last time.

“You know I’m happy for you right? I think Lapis ‘s really good for ya!”

Peridot just rolls her eyes but smiles as she comments back “Goodnight Jas.”

Jasper relinquishes a final “G’night Dork!” and starts her car.

Peridot walks inside and nearly stumbles over Lapis who was pressed up against the back of the door, presumably eavesdropping. They make no comment about it as they walk up the stairs together and leap face first onto the bed. Neither of them bother to get undressed. With the covers drawn over their shoulders and backs pressed firmly against one another’s, they drift into a much-needed slumber.

********************

The morning comes sooner than either of them had expected. The drapes were not drawn on the windows last night so the sun rays poke through them adamantly. The rays fall upon the giant depiction of cosmos that take up the far wall of the others room. Despite the black and white physique for much of the room, the painting had enough color and life to really make you feel a million miles away.

Lapis is the first to wake, groaning mildly at the way the light flitted through the blinds perfectly into her eyes. She sits up and looks over to admire her girlfriend- who had at some time during the night, slung an arm around her. She succeeds in not waking her as she removes the hand from her torso and climbs out of bed towards the bathroom. After washing her face, she looks herself in the mirror and tries to convince herself that yesterday had actually transpired. _I have a girlfriend_. _I have a tall, loquacious, smart as hell girlfriend. I like her and she likes me back, we even kissed! TWICE!_

Her inner monologue about her amazing her life is now going to be with Peridot is suddenly cut short by a very faint knock at the door. She jumps in surprise and flings it open immediately to find no one there. Confused, she looks down the hallway for Peridot or her parents or _someone_ who could have made that sound. She leans her head into Peridot’s room to find her still asleep in bed when the knock is heard again. This time she can tell it came from the front door downstairs, so she takes its upon herself to greet whoever it is downstairs. The door is opened to two men in uniform- police officers.

“Uhm, good morning sirs.” Lapis starts out hesitantly.

“Good morning miss. Is this the residence of Peridot Olivine?” One of them asks.

“Yes, yes it is. Do you need me to go get her? She’s upstairs asleep, I can-“

“If you would please, we have some ID to give back to her.” The other cop interrupts.

Lapis runs up stairs and grabs a hungover Peridot. She stumbles down the steps on her injured ankle and presses a palm against her forehead to push away the hammering migraine that was starting to develop. Her eyes lock in a panic at the two police officers and she quickly does her best to sober up before greeting them.

“Good morning Ms. Olivine.”

“Ah, hello there! You can uhm, you can come in if you would like.” She offers.

They politely decline and hand back her wallet. The officers informed her that her car had been towed this morning after it was found outside of a house in another neighborhood. Her wallet, bank card, and ID’s were all surprisingly still inside the vehicle despite it being unlocked. Peridot shoots Lapis a worried look after hearing that the bluenette failed to lock her car. The officers then ask her and Lapis if they attended a party at the house Peridot’s car was found in front of. They tell the truth and state that they were there until about two am.

“Alright, and who drove you both home at two in the morning, assuming since your car was outside of the house this morning?”

“I think Jasper gave us a ride home in her car.” She looks to Lapis and she nods. “Yeah it was my friend Jasper, Jasper Quartz.”

One of the officers looks to his partner and they both nod.

“We would like to take both of you in for questioning regarding illegal activity that occurred during the house party.”

Lapis and Peridot freeze, all color draining from their faces. They are led out of the house in what they wore from the night before. Peridot forgets to lock the door behind her but none of that matters because soon they are climbing into the back of a police cruiser.

“Sirs, I will not lie to you, my parents are lawyers.” Peridot starts once everyone is inside. “I will just tell you now that I partook in drinking at this party and I am not of age to be doing so. I am willing to face the full consequences.”

The sterner officer pipes up with “We are less concerned about your underage drinking at this party. At least you were one of the smarter ones who decided to have your sober friend drive you home. No, what we want to know is who tampered with your friend’s brakes last night at the party.”

“What do you mean?” Lapis questions with a wavering voice.

“Your friend Jasper Quartz was unable to break at a stoplight and caused a fatal crash last night. After vehicle inspection it was found that her breaks were worn down so far, it would have been nearly impossible to drive on them days- even weeks before this incident! We suspect foul play in her death.”

“Her death?” Peridot regrets asking this question.

“Yes. Jasper Quartz was found dead at the scene at around two forty this morning.”

Lapis yelps in horror and quickly moves to cover her mouth. Tears flood both of their eyes before they can think to hold them back. _This couldn’t be right,_ they both thought. _She was with us just hours ago, laughing and cracking jokes. This isn’t real!_ The girls whip their heads to look at each other with mirrored petrification.

And suddenly the world spun slowly to a stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for welcoming me back, it feels good to be writing again! I'll try to hurry on the next chapter (I'm nearly a third of the way through with it) so I don't leave you on that cliffhanger. Like I've said in the past, I have everything planned out and written to-a-T for the rest of this story, it's just a matter of making my scribbles into something legible! :)


	14. Right Before My Eyes

Peridot stared at the wall across from her, not daring to meet eyes with anyone else in the room. She had watched Sugilite leave the station as soon as they pulled up. Inside the waiting room now sat Malachite, Ruby, and Pearl. Malachite seemed the most distressed about the situation, clawing at the wooden arm rests of her chair and tapping both her feet anxiously. She wasn’t crying now, but the dried streaks that ran from her eyes to her chin were a tell-tale sign that she had been. Although Peridot refused to look around the room she could very clearly feel Malachite’s glare burning into her skull. Why she was staring so intently, Peridot would never know. Not that she ever cared in the first place, her mind was elsewhere. She could not bring herself to cry. Even in the cop car as they were first told about Jasper her eyes had welled up with tears but she never let one spill.

The door opened to one of the side rooms and Lapis followed by the two men had exited. The bluenette was instructed to take a seat and wait while they contacted her parents to pick her up. She takes a seat close to Peridot, but not exactly next to her. Peridot wondered for a second why she did not sit closer but when she found that Malachite’s angry gaze had shifted to her instead, she knew why.

The room was void of sound now that the officers had left to call parents and Peridot wanted to scream just to disrupt the silence. She also wanted the officers to come back in, or the lights to flicker slightly, or for Pearl to start tapping her foot again, anything to distract her from the numbness that was starting to take over her whole body. Her mouth opens to say something to Lapis, but a quick shift in Malachite glare halts her. Thankfully a new officer comes in and calls Peridot out of the room a few seconds later. She lifts herself slowly from the chair, giving Lapis a hesitant look of sympathy before leaving the room and being hit immediately with a wall of guilt.

Standing at the end of the corridor are her parents. Her parents that were _supposed_ to be on a business trip for two weeks. Her parents that were so busy that they could not be bothered to watch their daughters most important track race. Her parents that were scowling at the end of a hallway with more rage and disappointment than she ever had ever seen. The officer turns her over to them, explaining- most likely for the hundredth time, knowing how stubborn her parents are- that she was only brought to the station for questioning as a witness rather than a suspect. The two hardly seem any more convinced by the officer’s statement.

A silent walk to her parents shared vehicle signaled that her parents were saving their display of discipline for the car ride home. Sure enough, the minute the doors closed and everyone was inside the SUV, her mother began to speak.

“I can’t believe we left you alone and get a call from the police after just three days. I have never seen such behavior from you. Going to a party, _drinking_ , who knows what else you did! You’re underage Peridot, you should know better!”

“We had a lot of trust in you and that trust is gone now.” Her father adds. Peridot remains silent.

“Hello?! I expect an explanation from you! Why were you at this party, who were you with, why did you leave your car there…” Her mother continues, but Peridot tunes her out.

She stares out the window and her thoughts are brought back to last night. She remembers placing in the race and getting tackled by Lapis on the field after winning. She remembers being carried into a drug store by Lapis and the headlights of a car in front of them as Lapis crossed into opposing traffic while singing along to some song. From there, she remembers less and less, only racing with Lapis in a shopping cart and then Jasper taking them home. The last words she ever said to Peridot being about how Lapis was good for her and then a bittersweet goodnight.

She thinks about how good the night wasn’t. How she had to explain to the officers all she could remember between throwing up and having a headache that still hasn’t gone away. She didn’t have much to say and she wishes desperately that she knew more or remembered more about the situation. There wasn’t anything she could think of that justified her best friend’s untimely death, and that will never sit well with her.

“PERIDOT!” Her fathers voice broke her trance.

“I do not know.” She replies just above a whisper.

“That’s not an answer. Answer your mother’s first question, why were you at this party?”

“It was just to hang out. I guess we also celebrated my win from the track race last night.”

Her parents go quiet, most likely realizing that they missed out on an important event in her life. Her mother starts again, still fuming with anger.

“Well that’s still no reason to drink underage. Who were you with?”

“Jasper and Lapis.”

“Lapis? Who is Lapis? Did she make you drink last night?”

“No, Lapis is my-“ She pauses, trying to find any other word than girlfriend. She wasn’t ready for _that_ talk just yet. “just a friend from school.”

“Well we don’t want you to see her anymore. Has she ever been to the house?”

“Yeah, but-“

“She cannot come over anymore. We’ll start monitoring your phone calls if we have to.”

“Mom-“

“Peridot this is non-negotiable. At least we don’t have to worry about you hanging out with Jasper anymore, she was never a good influence.”

They pull into a tow yard and before Peridot has any time to lash out at her parent’s insensitivity towards her current situation, her parents are already walking out of their SUV and heading towards a building labeled ‘office’. By the time Peridot gathers herself enough to walk of her parent’s car and face them again, they are already paying the fee for her car. She sits in silence in one of the few chairs crowded awkwardly along the wall of the tiny office until her car is driven up to the front of the tow yard. Her father insists on driving it home to both ensure that she would not just drive somewhere they could not find her, and to have her rest her foot which was still wrapped in a soft cast.  

As she slides into the passenger seat she is thankful for three things and three things only. One being that her dad is much less confrontational than her mom and the car ride would most likely be silent, two, that her parents at least realized she was injured, and three, they were finally going home.

********************

As predicted her dad was silent the whole car ride. Her mother had also seemingly forgotten about her many questions and they both hardly spoke a word after arriving at their house. Peridot dashed up the stairs an into the bathroom immediately, kneeling and lifting the seat of the toilet and hurling up contents of her stomach she did not realize she still had. At the police station, she had thrown up during the questioning enough times to make her think she had nothing left in her system. Clearly she was wrong.

After a few minutes to catch her breath she lifts herself shakily from the ground and grabs at the edge of the sink. She runs the water and lathers toothpaste on a brush to scrub the stomach acid and alcohol from her breath. Once finished she splashes water on her face until there are more tears dripping from her face than tap water. She lets loose a flood of emotion that had bellied in her chest. With white knuckles she grips the handles on the sink to stop the water and falls backwards into the wall behind her. She slumps over with one hand gripping at her rapidly heaving chest and the other furiously wiping away tears. It takes almost everything in her to keep quiet so her parents wouldn’t overhear her sobs. She feared them in this vulnerable state. For if they heard a sharp, shaky inhale or a stuttering weep she would not hear the end of their insensitive wrath.

It takes more effort rather to keep from sliding down the wall. In her mind she knew that if she sat back down, she would not have the motivation to get back up for a long time. She might even fall asleep on the bathroom floor with how weak and tired she felt. Knowing this, Peridot tried to silence her cries quickly and move from the bathroom to her bedroom. Her tears did not cease as she crashed face first into her unmade bed. Thankfully her parents stayed downstairs through the afternoon and night and never once heard her crying or talking on the phone. About two hours after being home she decided that she needed someone to talk to and her first instinct was to call Lapis. Her mother answers the phone.

“Lazuli residence.”

“Hey Ms. Lazuli, this is Peridot. Is Lapis available?”

“Of course, let me get her.” There is a pause filled by shuffling sounds and a muffled exchange.

“Peridot?” Lapis answers. She sounds congested.

“Lapis! Stars, it is such a relief to hear your voice.” Peridot sighs into the phone.

“I was hoping you would’ve called sooner Peri. But then maybe I thought you were grounded. Is everything okay at home?”

“Things are weird. But at least they are leaving me alone. I think I really made them mad…”

“So you’re not grounded?”

“Not exactly? They have not talked much about anything other than how I am not allowed to see you anymore.”

“Are you serious?!” Lapis sounds urgent.

“I wish I was not... But I do not have to listen to them. They cannot keep me from talking to you at school and walking home with you or walking with you when I go out for my morning exercises.”

“They could find a way. I mean, they’re lawyers, aren’t they?”

“Yes, but… nothing is going to stop me from being with you.” Peridot flushes at how cheesy her own words were.

“I feel the same way. I wish I could see you right now, I know how hard this must be on you.”

“It is hard. It does not even feel real. One minute I am on top of the world. I am winning my track race, I am holding onto you, I am surrounded by people who do not know or care about my past. Then that rug is pulled out from under my feet and my whole world comes crashing down. I really do not know how to cope with losing my biggest support.” Her voice cracks at the end.

Lapis goes silent. Peridot breaks down again, this time much softer. After a moment, Lapis speaks again.

“Would your parents let you go on a walk right now?”

“I-It may be too soon. I lost a l-lot of t-their trust.”

“I feel bad sitting here not being able to help you, ya know.”

Peridot sniffs. “Who said y-you were not helping?”

The blonde likes to think that she could hear lapis smile at that. They continue talking for hours about nothing in particular, dancing around the topic of their now deceased friend. Lapis is the one who has to leave first due to dinner being ready but she says that she will call back when dinner is through. Sure enough Lapis does call back within the hour and even manages to make Peridot laugh when her cat keeps meowing into the phone and Lapis begrudgingly lugs around her home phone and receiver away from the feline. Its near ten when the two wrap up their conversation and promise to call in the morning. Peridot goes to bed on an empty stomach and an aching heart.

Lapis doesn’t call until later the next day when Peridot concedes to talking to her parents. Her parents do not ground her, rather they arrange a day when cameras can be set up in the house to monitor her. Peridot does not call Lapis back.

********************

Monday morning; not one person isn’t thinking about or talking about Jasper. Her name is echoed off the tongues of the hundreds of students that flood the school halls. It is so strange to hear this many people suddenly care about some girl who was never really popular. To most, she was a drug addict with subpar grades and a pet nerd that followed her around. She was never the star of the show or a conversation starter like she seemed to be now.

The minute Peridot sets foot on the campus all eyes seem to be on her, especially the eyes of Malachite. She stands in the hallway, leaning against the lockers with her hands shoved in the pockets of her varsity jacket like she usually did in the mornings, except this time she was all alone. _Sugilite must not be coming to school today or they would have been standing together_ Peridot deducts. The blonde makes a bee-line for her classroom so as not to be confronted by Malachite or anyone spilling Jaspers name. No one talks to her in class, rather they talk quietly amongst themselves. Lapis makes it to class right before the bell rings. She gives Peridot a sympathetic glance on her way in and does not speak with her even when class is over. Their first words of the day are exchanged during lunch when Peridot asks if she is okay.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it has not been too bad so far. I mean sure everyone is talking about her, but they are not talking to _me_ about her.”

“But do you hear what they’re saying about it?” Lapis looks frustrated.

Peridot pauses. She had not been listening to what others had been saying. She did not want to hear it because she did not want it to be true. The minute she heard her best friends name, the conversation was tuned out just like that. “No, not exactly. I do not care what they have to say-“

“Listen Peri, I think you should care about what they’re saying. They’re slandering her. They’re making so much shit up about how she was drunk or faded at the party and drove under the influence. They’re also saying it was a suicide because of her family life and that the party was a coverup or that someone she drove home that night tampered with her break pads.”

“That cannot be true though… Why would they say that?”

“Because they can make up whatever they want about her now that she’s gone. I wish they could know what _really_ happened.”

“Wait.” Peridot puts her hand atop Lapis’. “You know what happened?” Peridot looks pained and desperate, and her voice displays this as well.

“I have a pretty good guess. I was riding in her car not too long ago and I remembered seeing this tiny slip of paper that had a list of things she needed for her car. There were a bunch of stars around brake pads, so they were definitely important or needed to be replaced soon. I also found a list of people she owed money to and I just figured she would want to pay them back before she bought something for herself- she seems like that kind of person. And last night must have been the last straw on her brakes. The police did say it was brake failure… they also said they found those notes in her car at the scene.”

“Oh my stars Lapis…”

“I know. I’m not one hundred percent sure about that though. Police reports haven’t come back-“

“But it makes so much more sense than what everyone is saying. Jasper was sober last night, you and I know that as fact. And I cannot ever imagine someone as physically and emotionally tough as Jasper to take her own…” Peridot does not finish the sentence. Lapis entwines their fingers and squeezes her hand in reassurance.

A snicker can be heard from the table which usually housed Sugilite’s lunch group. It was then apparent that everyone who _could_ look at Lapis and Peridot from that table _was_ looking at them. It sent a shiver down Lapis’ spine, despite Sugilite’s absence. Lapis lets go of her hand and whispers a quick apology before turning back to her lunch tray and stirring its contents. Peridot shot them a glare before turning back to her own lunch tray- the table erupted in more stifled laughter.

“Do not listen to them.” Peridot says, not looking at Lapis.

“I don’t want to sit here tomorrow.” Lapis picks up her tray and as if on cue, the bell rings and signals the end of the lunch period. They walk to their next class separately and do not see each other again until the next day.

********************

“Since when did we start avoiding each other?” Peridot bangs on the door of the bathroom stall.

Monday came and went, as did Tuesday, and now during Wednesday’s lunch period is when Peridot confronts Lapis about her recent actions. Since Monday, Lapis had been acting distant; refusing to walk with Peridot, not calling her although she promised to, and skipping lunch and the last class of the day yesterday all to avoid her. If this blossoming relationship was going to work something had to change.

“Lapis… Lapis please just talk to me.”

More silence.

At this, Peridot takes her old seat in the corner though not bothering to pull out her books and study. Rather she crosses her arms over her chest and waits. The bathroom is void of any other students so Peridot did not understand why she would not answer her- it’s not like anyone would overhear their conversation.

“Lapis, if this is about Monday’s lunch period, I can tell you that they were not laughing at you. They have no reason to-“

She is cut off by Lapis mumbling something through the stall.

“What?”

“You’re right, but do you know why they were laughing?” The bluenette speaks up. Her voice is cold and monotone.

“No… I mean I can guess. It was me was it not? I get it, nerds are lame and easy to make fun of. I have dealt with this enough to know not to be fazed by-

“They weren’t laughing at you Peri. They were laughing at Jasper!” Lapis bangs on the stall door, making an echoing rumble that caused Peridot to flinch. “I heard what they said. I always hear what they say, no one ever shuts the fuck up and I can’t tune people out like you can Peri. They were talking about how much of an idiot she was and how they’re _glad_ she’s gone. It’s sick!”

“Oh…”

“And you know, I got sick of people slandering her so I told Malachite what I knew.”

“You did WHAT?”

“After school Monday, I went up to her because I couldn’t stand how she kept looking at us. We did nothing wrong! But now I think I really fucked up…”

“What- what did-“

“Now Malachite is telling everyone about the worn brake pads and the note I found.”

“THAT’S A GOOD THING!”

“IT’S NOT PERIDOT. IT’S NOT BECAUSE NOW SHE THINKS I COULD HAVE PREVENTED HER DEATH. SHE IS BLAMING _ME_ FOR HER DEATH.”

“…no……”

“FUCK.” Lapis bangs on the stall door again. When the echo slowly fades out of the bathroom, Lapis’ cries could be heard, though muffled behind the door and presumably the sleeves of her sweatshirt. Peridot’s heart ached at the sound. She would have given anything to comfort her in this moment, but cruelly in her favor the door to the bathroom swings open and in comes a group of girls. They stop their chatter upon seeing Peridot and room goes quiet, even Lapis manages to silence herself as they enter. They leave as quickly as possible but it’s so awkward that the minute they exit, Lapis asks peridot to leave as well. She does as told, not wanting to argue with an upset Lapis.

The bluenette skips the rest of her classes like the day before.

********************

By Thursday the conversation throughout the school had most certainly changed. Jaspers name was no longer on the tip of peoples tongues so much as Lapis’ was. With how popular Sugilite was, and how easily she could listen to Malachite’s blame, it was no surprise that word had spread. Lapis still went to school, if only for the first part of the day. Peridot realized that Malachite and Lapis shared a class and the bluenette was most likely avoiding confrontation from her. The two of them ate- or at least Peridot did- together in the cafeteria bathroom divided by a stall door. They would talk through the door until a group of girls came in and the room fell silent.

In the moments of silence is when Peridot thought about how much had changed and how much had stayed the same. Jasper, her best friend was gone forever, but she had a girlfriend now. She had also won a very important track competition against a tough rival school. Though, her parents were still an awful combination of strict and uncaring. She still received no recognition from her peers for her achievements. And even now, she still sat in the bathroom eating her lunch and keeping Lapis company while she avoided the harsh crowd of the cafeteria.

Lapis and Peridot’s relationship had moved backwards; most similar to how it was before they knew each other. They stopped hanging out after school because of Peridot’s parents, they stopped calling and walking home together as well. It had been nearly a week since they kissed, let alone hugged. With how sudden both of their lives had changed due to Jaspers untimely death, it was as if they never entered a relationship greater than friends. Heck, it seemed they had even backtracked past being friends since Lapis started isolating herself. They had become strangers to each other. Peridot knew this had to change or fear their relationship may end all too soon, yet every solution had a flaw too great to risk.

But maybe they were risks worth taking. After all, what is there to lose when you’re already at the bottom of the social food chain?

What is there to lose when you’ve already lost so much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers, I just wanted to point out that I have finally nailed down how many chapters this story will have. It took a long time to properly spread this story into chapters that weren't too fast paced but I finally have it spaced out to where I like it and I think it will make the most sense.  
> I tried to make it a super even 20 chapter fic, but I would have had to drag out some scenes or make new ones to fit the pacing of this story- which would be very hard to do because I have already outlined everything from here to the end. With that being said, there are only four chapters to go! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I look forward to writing the next one and concluding this story in the next few months :)


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